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dying
Wednesday, 22-Oct-14 03:02:58 UTC from web-
@nethernarwhal probably not possible
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@nethernarwhal good luck, but I am dying hopefully
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@nethernarwhal but i long for the sweet release of death
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@nethernarwhal um no
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@nethernarwhal that's a good one man
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@nethernarwhal I have very large doubts about the validity of that statement.
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@nethernarwhal I can see the truth
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@nethernarwhal what
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@yodelerty I'm playing with your metaphor. You said you can see the truth, but I'm inferring about how a person would have to see them-self through a reflective surface, so the reflective surface you're looking at to see yourself does not reflect the truth.
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@nethernarwhal The mirror's about as accurate as it gets though, isn't it?
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@nethernarwhal The mirror is the opposite in that but the principle of my point is the same
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@nethernarwhal Maybe. Though I'm probably right anyway because I have to deal with me more than anyone else so I know my worth the best, wouldn't you say?
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@nethernarwhal I have, yeah.
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@nethernarwhal It could be. Though it hardly matters in terms of me since I know I'm pretty much useless to myself anyway
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@nethernarwhal Nah, I deserve it. I should have been more actively trying to figure out myself when I was a kid and now it's too late.
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@yodelerty No one should be expected to know their whole life plan as a kid. I'm in my late teens and still have no idea where I'll end up. You DON'T deserve it Dane, and the first step to feeling better is telling yourself that every day.
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@nethernarwhal You're in your late teens and you have a passion and something you're good at. I'm in my early twenties and I'm bad at everything and like nothing. I should be dead for being this terrible. No human this worthless should exist really
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@yodelerty Except making a decent living through music is incredibly difficult, if anything it's more of a hobby and occasional pastime with friends. I love music, my drumming in particular, more than anything but I currently don't want to rely on it for my future.
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@yodelerty As I said in one of Skype conversations, some people just find their callings later in life.
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@nethernarwhal well im 14 idon't know what will happen to me
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@lunaloverchay I didn't know jack when I was 14, you have plenty of time man
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@nethernarwhal Like I said, you have a passion and something you're good at. That at least gives you a pastime, something I'd love beyond anything else to have. And later in life just means I'll be dead before it happens. Because I don't do anything but work and sleep and play video games and cry. Long story short, I'm pathetic. That's why I think I'd be better off dying. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with my loser self.
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@nethernarwhal i know i have time i'm working on an English assignment im so tried of english
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@yodelerty How about reading? It's actually a lot of fun and the more you do the more you'll find where your interests lie.
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@lunaloverchay I've usually had a pretty easy time BS'ing my way through English classes, though perhaps it's just one of stronger subjects to begin with
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@nethernarwhal math and science are mine
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@nethernarwhal I haven't read a book in over three years.
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@lunaloverchay That's good, being good at math will help you out a lot when you're older
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@nethernarwhal Except I have no idea what I like, like I said before
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@nethernarwhal a kid at my school named gabe bullies me because im a brony + he thinks its funny to get people angry
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@lunaloverchay Protip: Ignore him, and if he continues, tell an adult.
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@nethernarwhal I've told him bro your making it hard to love and tolerate
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@nethernarwhal action/adventure, some RPGs but not many (mostly action RPGs tbh), a couple racing games, party games occasionally, some rhythm games, and maybe a few more. No idea.
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@lunaloverchay Just politely tell him you're entitled to your opinion of what shows you enjoy
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@nethernarwhal he said he wants to be my friend im trying to find fellow bronies at my school
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@lunaloverchay If he wants to be your friend he shouldn't be bullying you
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@lunaloverchay Hmmm, do you want a former enemy to be your friend? I have heard they can be ones greatest ally in this. Now, why is he asking this?
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@yodelerty Well, for some of the adventure and RPG game narratives, maybe try and find similar books? I'm really pulling what I can, but I always find reading really therapeutic and it's easy to get into.
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@nethernarwhal he's started to stop bulling
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@potatao yes
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@lunaloverchay Well that's good, hopefully that will continue
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@nethernarwhal me too
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@nethernarwhal Reading really isn't easy to get into. I can't concentrate when I read. Or when I do anything really. ADHD and stuff, which I don't take medication for anymore.
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@lunaloverchay As you get older you'll go to new places and meet new people, if you're kind and open minded you can usually eventually find someone who likes you for you. I know I have.
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@nethernarwhal i went to salt lake city comic con met 6 fellows bronies and pegasisters i kept giving people brohoofs
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@yodelerty Well, I guess when you put it that way... Maybe just take small steps at first like read one chapter every now and then and work your way up (like doing running and gradually increasing your distance), though this will probably hardly help you given your condition.
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@lunaloverchay Sounds like a blast, it's cool to meet people with the same interests as you
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@nethernarwhal i love reading
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@nethernarwhal Nope! I'll likely start reading and then say I'm going to read more and then won't. Example: I said I was going to practice my bass guitar tomorrow. The kicker: I said that over two years ago and it still hasn't happened. I suck.
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@nethernarwhal it was im hoping i met some one from here their
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@lunaloverchay Me too, I need to make more time for it. Though I've been more into reading contemporary philosophy and manga these days (not that the latter technically counts)
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@nethernarwhal anime yay i saw tons of sword art online cosplays
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@nethernarwhal It's a little too late to keep lying to myself that I'll ever be good at it, isn't it? I could I guess but I don't have a tuner.
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@lunaloverchay I liked the first half of season 1 for SAO, but since then it's considerably dropped in quality for me. Which is a shame because I usually dig the theme of virtual reality.
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@nethernarwhal i hope it happens
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@yodelerty Learning should not be about getting amazing right away, and it's also not something you should compare yourself to others while doing. It is a personal endeavor that you can conquer at your own pace if you practice.
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@nethernarwhal Learning also requires general interest in the topic at hand, and since I have zero interest in anything anymore practicing my bass would just be me pretending I'm playing anything for about 10 minutes until I start crying and have to lay down for a couple hours like it has been in the past.
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@yodelerty Look, I can't force you to be interested in anything, but I think sometimes you don't realize how much you might enjoy something if you don't put any time into it.
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@nethernarwhal True, but since I have no idea what I could ever be interested in, and given there's an infinite number of possibilities of things for me to try, how am I ever supposed to know? Basically if I had tried before I became depressed and slowly transformed into the worst person on the planet, I wouldn't even be in this situation. And now I'm basically screwed because I haven't had any motivation for years to do anything at all. All in all, I really should kill myself since I'll never enjoy anything again odds are.
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@yodelerty Killing yourself won't make things better for you and will only make things worse for people who care about you.
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@yodelerty The best advice I have ever been given, don't try to do what you want to do. do things that get you out of your comfort zone. Do things, you think you may not like doing.
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@nethernarwhal It'll certainly keep me from wasting my time pretending that one day I might actually enjoy life.
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@potatao That's literally everything.
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@yodelerty ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ At least enjoy these hearts then, for me ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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@yodelerty Then do that, do what you hate or find tedious. Get it beat. It is where some of the greatest and most humbling moments of life exist.
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@nethernarwhal They're lovely
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@potatao I'm not going to do literally everything, that doesn't make sense and I'll be dead before I find something I really like
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@yodelerty They're all for you, actually have some more because you deserve them ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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@yodelerty XD Yeah, true bro. But, you could do what you can. I don't think I meant to do literally everything, but, everything you can do in your lifetime. I am sorry. Shall I stop here?
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@nethernarwhal We've been over this: I don't deserve anything but death.
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@potatao Up to you. And I'd prefer not to be 80 when I find something I like. Because then who cares? Worthless.
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@nethernarwhal Why?
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@nethernarwhal That's really weird. There's nothing to like. It makes sense that I really like you though because you're amazing.
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@yodelerty You're kind, respectful, honest, and see me for who I am. You're a great listener and you're really great at seeing the goodness in other people. Not to mention you're a fellow Canadian.
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@yodelerty That isn't likely to happen. You may not find a hobby, honestly, that isn't what life should be about, too simple and boring. Life is about work, and what happens when you work. But, there comes a moment when work becomes something more, and, it can be an experience that can change the way you see things and your own self perception. No mater how small.
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@potatao To be fair I don't really think an average 9-5 (or whatever his timeslot is) job at a department store can really change his life
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@nethernarwhal Besides Canadian, I really don't know where you got any of that. I'm none of those things. I'm the worst. None of that makes sense..
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@nethernarwhal ... *facepalms* Work is not just, you know, doing something for like a bureaucracy, but, it can be farming, hiking, picking god forsaken dead from the road. murdock, work, in the general term. He can find something. But again, maybe I am being too idealistic. I don't know man. Take something a bit, unorthodox.
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@potatao I work at a department store from 8 to 5. It's pretty boring. I don't learn anything and I make $13/hour. I don't see that becoming something more than some thing I can't wait to be rid of.
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@nethernarwhal Actually? That can't be right
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@potatao If you're referring to work as just putting energy into something then he'll hopefully find something but if you mean his vocation then his current one isn't his final goal.
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@nethernarwhal Yeah, the former. I guess. Never mind. I was not the person who is smart enough to talk about this any ways.
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@nethernarwhal I guess your opinion can't be wrong..
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@nethernarwhal Perhaps the potential could actually gain some momentum for once, on the odd chance I actually have any potential.
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@yodelerty I was in a similar situation, as I have been doing stultifying janitorial work for over 11 years. I developed major depressive disorder, but I am fortunate in that medical treatment enabled me to overcome depression's debilitating effects.
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@nethernarwhal Hard to see what doesn't present itself in any form.
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@m14brony And now you're interested in a variety of things I see. Medical treatment has done nothing for my depression.
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@yodelerty Unfortunately, it won't come easy. But know I'll always be 3 provinces over rooting for you every step of the way.
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@nethernarwhal I'm so sorry for whatever I did to make you have this faith in me. I really am.
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@nethernarwhal Well, thanks. I'm going to apologize in advance for when I inevitably disappoint you or drive you away like most of my friends.
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@nethernarwhal I always try. I just don't succeed. But yeah, I promise.
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@nethernarwhal True. I usually try then cry.
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@nethernarwhal I could do that.
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@nethernarwhal Whenever I actually have something I want to try. Not that I ever do.
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@nethernarwhal I'll probably be waiting another 10 years. Maybe more.
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@nethernarwhal So probably like 10 years for me then for anything to pop up.
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@yodelerty You deserve ponies. Because ponies pony, pony! And pony puts the win in winning people. http://rainbowdash.net/attachment/794673
