{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"Rainbow Dash Network","provider_url":"http:\/\/rainbowdash.net\/","type":"link","title":"orungano (tiff)'s status on Monday, 05-Jan-15 23:56:39 UTC","author_name":"orungano (tiff)","author_url":"http:\/\/rainbowdash.net\/tiff","url":"http:\/\/rainbowdash.net\/notice\/3791730","html":"@<span class=\"vcard\"><a href=\"http:\/\/rainbowdash.net\/user\/33413\" class=\"url\" title=\"Ellie\"><span class=\"fn nickname mention\">eeeie<\/span><\/a><\/span> But what if you want to grow facial hair, but your face is warm and you\u2019re not a cop. What then! I\u2019ve got you covered. It\u2019s called the Eight Foot Long Braid Coming Out of the Lower Left Part of Your Cheek. Basically, it\u2019s an eight foot long braid coming out of the lower left part of your cheek. Shave everything else.<br \/><br \/>At first it may seem impractical, \u201cWhat am I going to do with an Eight Foot Long Braid Coming Out of the Lower Left Part of My Cheek?\u201d Soon, however, the applications will become apparent:<br \/><br \/>\u2022 Strangling a Croatian arms dealer as part of your occasional spy work.<br \/><br \/>\u2022 Dragging a block of ice back to your village.<br \/><br \/>\u2022 Lowering a dog with a flashlight attached to it into a well so it can locate another dog which has been trapped in the same well.<br \/><br \/>\u2022 Whipping sled dogs to win the Iditarod.<br \/><br \/>\u2022 You can eat it.<br \/><br \/>Plus, if you ever tire of it and its many myriad uses, you can lop it off with a hatchet at keep it as a pet. I named mine Hank."}