1.0 link Rainbow Dash Network http://rainbowdash.net/ Crusader 8 (princelypublictimeline) http://rainbowdash.net/princelypublictimeline http://rainbowdash.net/notice/1217509 @<span class="vcard"><a href="http://rainbowdash.net/user/10820" class="url" title="Stephan Tanchak"><span class="fn nickname">renovatedkitchen</span></a></span> the bottom part will definitely b edited. I don't know about pacing though, I feel like I went to it too fast. It's not even coming from me being a speed reader, it's like 3 pages in and I'm already hooking the reader with a juicy hook. They only had time for campy-ness for like, 2 pages. I do understand how you feel about the opening paragraph though, I just felt it was necessary to paint a picture to put them there. Also, since nothing tense is immediately going on, it's safe to do it. (kinda wish I was better at openings still, I know I could do it better and still paint the picture.)