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@rhetoricalpony I may be able to assist you, if you trust me to. Although I lack the experience in fanfics (and writing stories in general), those few stories that I have conveyed have been applauded by both my (English) teachers and peers alike. And I've considerable expertise with halo.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 10:52:41 UTC from web-
@lightningcrash ok man heres the link http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1092/1/Halo:-Friendship-Evolved/Chapter-1:-The-Package
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 10:56:28 UTC from web-
@rhetoricalpony Alright, gave it a good read... I'm assuming you've played Halo: ODST and watched Halo Legends?
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:02:40 UTC from web-
@lightningcrash E'yup I started with something familiar then I work from there making it my own. But the problem everything I laid out is in place but now I dont know how to execute it.... :/
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:05:06 UTC from web-
@rhetoricalpony Well I just finished reading it, what would you like my reactions to? (Story, where to go from there, grammar/spelling, etc.)
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:12:18 UTC from web-
@fallinwinter Well I know I grammar and punctuation is bad as well since this is my first fic but start from where you want.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:24:51 UTC from web-
@rhetoricalpony Well I'll start by giving the questions that this raises to me. 1. Who and How did said pony not make it? Were they left behind? Was it just an attack which they fended off and the lost pony was just a casualty? 2. Distance as in how? Was she the one who cryo'd herself (Though apparently she was not) What did she want to gain from distancing herself? Wouldn't her time with her friends have made her realize distancing herself is a problem? 3. How would Twilight be the deciding factor for the fate of "all ponykind" If you have answers to these, then that would help in understanding where this is going. If you don't, I suppose those would be a good place to start before continuing. I can try supplying some suggestions of course.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:31:58 UTC from web-
@fallinwinter Your pretty spot on with what I am focusing. Well the pony that didnt make it would be Rarity when the Covenant (bad guys) destroyed during the surprise attack on New Ponyville. Then when all is done Twilight studies in ways to ensure the survival of her kind by creating super soilders known as Stallions. She doesnt realize its a problem till she meet up with Rainbow during the rescue
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:41:14 UTC from web
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@rhetoricalpony Alright... Okay. I've got an idea or two for you. Let's kind of change the setting first. Place it in a battle outside of one of the colonies. So not only could you expand on the rescue, but you would also set up what would occur next... Have something go wrong with the escape (possible part 2 title). Maybe someone gets injured along the way or something. But make it so their route of exit is blocked or somehow no longer an option. Force the squad down onto the colony below, where the covenent are already staging a planet-scale invasion. Maybe have the beleagured squad meet up with more troops, a squad that's under heavy fire (under command of Apple Jack??). Try taking it from there.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:14:07 UTC from web-
@lightningcrash well ill tell you what I have so far from the notes I wote
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:16:18 UTC from web-
@rhetoricalpony Go right ahead. Was just throwing out ideas. I guess you plan to go over grammer and spelling after you've finished writing the thing?
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:17:49 UTC from web
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@lightningcrash *I can use that but well I like how I started off so far but here where I am trying to send the story. Ok so when before Twi became a part of PONI the mane 6 went to the biggest colony known as New Ponyville. Then the Covenant attacked from there one of the mane 6 didnt make it. So Twi distence herself from her friends to ensure the survival of Ponydom. See what I have so far? Theres still more but idk if I can fit it all in
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:23:12 UTC from web-
@rhetoricalpony Okay... So Twiliight Sparkle is basicly the Covenent's mane focus? Hmmm..... Maybe we can mesh both of our ideas... Try taking it with my idea, because it really doesn't change your opening scene that much. Once they get to the ground, have them do the whole "rescue the squad" thing. Then after the fray is done, have like a surprised meeting between Twi & AJ. Start to leak information about the past from there, little questions from Apple Jack or something like that to get Twilight to explain some of it. Maybe slowly get the remainder of the mane six slowly back together, making it the only way to stave off the Covenent. Kind of put that irony in where Twi must do exactly the opposite of what she wanted. I'm sure you'll do what's right for your fic, though.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:30:08 UTC from web-
@lightningcrash Oh yeah I planed AJ to be the commander Keys of my fic but yeah your plan does sound good. But well Idk which pony died I think I want Rarity to and be Twilight cortana as a way that her friend that she lost in new ponyville is in a way still alive. oh and also Rainbow Dash is mad as Twi for just leaving her and the rest of her so during the rescue she having a hard time forgiving twi and focusing on the mission.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:34:40 UTC from web-
@rhetoricalpony Okay. Well, do you think you'll be on in about 4 hours? I need to start heading to class... Hopefully I can supply more ideas during my lunch and computer class.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:36:14 UTC from web-
@lightningcrash oh well probably dont worry ill check.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:42:21 UTC from web
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@rhetoricalpony BTW, if Twilight is based off of Dr. Halsey (which she seems to be), don't forget that Cortana was the AI of Dr. Halsey. That's a good idea with RBD, and it can set up a scene where maybe RBD causes somepony to get hurt, and maybe that will get her to focus and forgive... or something. Rarity or Fshy would be good ones to kill off in New Ponyville though.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:38:55 UTC from web-
@lightningcrash Also I think I want Rarity to die BUT be the "Cortana" of my fic I dont want to kill Fshy because she is my fav pony :D
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:43:46 UTC from web
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@rhetoricalpony I'd suggest that you start by answering things like "Who are PONI", "Where are they", etc. Also add more detail. Be it a battle, characters talking, whatever, describing things is far better than just saying they did it. Along with this, give your characters detail and characterization as well. While your character is a well known hero, that doesn't matter if your reader doesn't know that. For example(This is just an example), "He turned to a pink unicorn, the newest medic for squad 101. She looked around nervously, pawing the ground and turning every few moments. It was almost as if she would jump at the slightest word." or, "He turned to a pink unicorn, the newest medic for squad 101. Her eyes were wide with excitement. It almost looked as if she was in pain just sitting still. Every time a pony passed her, she looked crestfallen when they didn't stop to talk to her." Sorry I can't be more helpful with the story, it's hard since I don't know much halo lore.
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:51:12 UTC from web-
@fallinwinter See writing like that I cant do sadly :/ Oh and PONI well for those who played Halo would know what it is but yeah I see what you are saying people who dont play Halo wont understand...
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:56:55 UTC from web -
@fallinwinter Also even though you dont know a lot of Halo your still being very very helpful and I appreciate it!
Wednesday, 19-Oct-11 11:58:02 UTC from web
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