{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"Rainbow Dash Network","provider_url":"http:\/\/rainbowdash.net\/","type":"link","title":"Gherkin \u2611\ufe0f (thelastgherkin)'s status on Sunday, 03-Jul-11 20:23:40 UTC","author_name":"Gherkin \u2611\ufe0f (thelastgherkin)","author_url":"http:\/\/rainbowdash.net\/thelastgherkin","url":"http:\/\/rainbowdash.net\/notice\/242818","html":"Dear Princess Celestia.  Today I learned that if you cut your pizza into twice as many slices as usual and fold them over into a sandwich, you can eat twice as fast AND not burn the top of your mouth on the molten cheese.  Anyway, I was actually writing to you about my daily letters.  I know you're busy running the country and do not have chance to answer every one, so I was pleased with the response I received yesterday.  Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be a restraining order!  Surely this is a mistake as I would never do anything to hurt you.  I assure you that the last time I saw you in person I was only trying to get a cutting of your hair, which smells so divine that I've stuffed a pillow with it.  Anyway, I've attached a photo of myself so you can see that I am not any kind of creepy stalker, and I assure you that all other parties in said photo were of age.  I look forward to hearing your hasty response.  Your faithful student, Jack the Last Gherkin."}