1.0 link Rainbow Dash Network http://rainbowdash.net/ The white void (hakupony) http://rainbowdash.net/hakupony http://rainbowdash.net/notice/1481673 @<span class="vcard"><a href="http://rainbowdash.net/user/8634" class="url" title="christian"><span class="fn nickname">cajunbrony23</span></a></span> &quot;As she seduces you, she toys with your mind. Bending and twisting it. She manipulates their minds until it snaps in two.&quot; Why do you change from second person to third person? it is confusing and if you don't want to express anything with it, that's not a good thing. &quot;I felt the my world should end&quot; the &quot;the&quot; seems wrong here. You could write &quot;the world&quot;, &quot;world&quot;, &quot;my world&quot; or &quot;that my world&quot;.