Notices by Brass Bell (brass), page 16
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@soundblast Ellipsis. Take this"The young mare looked into the eyes of the dashing stallion before her, her heart was racing her head was spinning and her whole body was tingling "I love you with all my heart, you make up all that I dream of" a tear slowly ticked down her face as the burden of a secret was lifted" Then take this "She looked into his eyes... "I love you... you make up all that I dream of." a tear ran down her face and she looked at peace" I shortened it the second time and used some elipsis "..."
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@chibithepony So, a basic review. The enter key is your friend, a wall of text is your enemy. It will immediately put off your reader. Don't say "5" say "five". "rainbow crash" probably needs capitals there are other examples of this elsewhere. I can read again and give some more specific feedback.
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@soundblast Use some sparse details, and a lot of ellipsis.
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@soundblast I'll try read it sometime. *cancels own writing* I don't have anything planned, I can help you out with it on Tuesday.
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@chibithepony On it.
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@foxgopher Extra curricular activities. That said, the zombie survival day we had went down a treat without guns.
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@soundblast Welcome to the club, I've been writing stuff since last june...
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@foxgopher Aye, for re-enacting wars and making abstract art. Or science experiments and enhancing student involvement.
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@cutieshy Nothing wrong with expressing yourself... A Madonna song comes to mind...
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@foxgopher When I write stuff, it's far more practical than that. Stuff about radio stations or how nerf guns further education.
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@chibithepony Cast under odd circumstances, thus overpowering the spell. Then eventually control was gained over it. There's comedy in that one.
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@chibithepony I can't open that.
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@foxgopher "I write a paper"? tenses...
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@chibithepony Well, you'll need a reason eventually... I was just throwing one out there.
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@foxgopher I'm a fence sitter. There are good things and bad things.
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@chibithepony Sneeze fire after hotsauce cupcakes?
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@foxgopher It was fun. A debate on the legality of piracy
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@foxgopher Olleh
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@soundblast Fluttershy
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Olleh!
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@foxgopher *nom nom nom* I will thanks. And if you want something drawn, gimme a call ;).
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@foxgopher thanks. I'll just have a sandwich and be off :P
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@foxgopher Just uploading it
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@foxgopher Of course I will...
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@foxgopher I've decided to draw Chrysalis to pass the time...
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@foxgopher Ohh very nice
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@foxgopher Oh, right... Going anywhere?
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@foxgopher So, how's you?
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@foxgopher I am careful
