@lightningcrash
Hamilton, Ohio
A lone pony trots along an empty dusty road. His wings furled back against his sides, he pushes on as the wind whips dirt into his face. He quests for two things: his purpose in life and a pony to share his heart with.
More details...Notices by Crash (lightningcrash), page 114
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@jinny Yeah... I know it's been there, but I've always overlooked it and was willing to trust her. But now, examining it, it just doesn't make sense. She was injured this past Sunday, right? She was saying how the doctor's were talking with her about how they'd end it this coming weekend. But that's wrong, illegal. Assissted suicide requires at least 30 days. And looking back on it, she's never given me another way to talk to her outside of email or the game. Anytime I'd ask about maybe calling her or something, she'd sort of... deflect it. She said she had visited Ohio for a week... didn't even tell me about it until afterwards. When I asked her why she didn't ask me so we could see her, she just said she didn't want to feel like a stalker or something... I just don't know what to think anymore. All I know is I'm hurt; wether it's from the death of a good friend, or a betrayal so vast that the heavens themselves should weep.
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@jinny I've been talking with my counselor... this whole time I've chatted with Sonia, there's always been something that never quite added up. Like a nagging feeling. The puzzle is there, but it's missing far too many pieces for the image to be clear.
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I am so confused... should I listen to my mind? The logic that overwhelmingly pounds against the walls protecting my emotions, as my heart defiantly screams out against the facts... Whither away, for I detest thee.
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Well everypony, I must be going to school now. I doubt I'll get much done, but whatever.
Wednesday, 26-Oct-11 11:38:02 UTC from web -
@lightningcrash "You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice, you can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose free will."
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@nerthos Oh. I don't really know.
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@tavi I just wanted to thank you for your kind words from last night... they help me. So, thanks.
Wednesday, 26-Oct-11 11:32:10 UTC from web -
@ceruleanspark Because it's a hard concept for a lot of people to understand, and I don't want people to have to share in my pain, but at this point I suppose it's too late for that.
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@ceruleanspark Not well... People are noticing I'm upset in real life. Meaning I'm going to end up having to tell everyone about this in the end. Two months I've kept me and Sonia hidden away from RL... Guess I can't anymore.
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@nebulagaze @nerthos ..... I drew my avatar by free-hand. It just needs color now...
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@abigpony ... Again I'm sorry... but you need to understand I'm going through an emotional crisis which nopony should ever have to go through. One screw up, and at the end, I may end up k8lling myself. That's how bad this is.
Wednesday, 26-Oct-11 03:41:24 UTC from web -
@lightningcrash until it's physical*
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I can't bucking sleep! I want to first apologize, because I'm prolly about to start snapping ponies heads off. I know this cycle, and its gonna be a verbal explosion... but if I don't blow up at someone verbally, it'll continue to build until it's verbal.
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OBVIOUSLY Nopony here can take a hint as blatant as the one's I've been dropping. Either that, or no pony just cares about me anymore. Regardless of which it is, I'm leaving now.
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*trots off to find some other bronies who will uphold their promise to be there whenever they're needed*
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This was never the way I planned. Not my intention...
Wednesday, 26-Oct-11 02:44:32 UTC from web -
@jinny Sorry. I should come with a label that says 'heartbreaker'. And another that says 'broken-hearted'.
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@tigerdusk Sure. I just need anything to get my mind off Sonia for now... until I get back to typing.
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@jinny ...To try to change the topic & mood, how are the pictures doing? (is lurking in my replies)
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@jinny I've already given her my word I'd do my best to live for us. And I guess our story is in her honor. I just am not sure how I'll fill the gap if she passes on.
