Replies to 8bit, page 8
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@rhetoricalpony Hmmm... instead of putting it into words, maybe into her actions? Maybe pulling up the wrong files or messing with her electronics slightly or something? Just a thought.
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@rhetoricalpony Not a problem at all. What exactly would you like me to do?
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@rhetoricalpony Hello. How goes the fic?
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@rhetoricalpony I'd be down if my XBox wasn't of the original variety. ;)
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@rhetoricalpony I'd suggest that you start by answering things like "Who are PONI", "Where are they", etc. Also add more detail. Be it a battle, characters talking, whatever, describing things is far better than just saying they did it. Along with this, give your characters detail and characterization as well. While your character is a well known hero, that doesn't matter if your reader doesn't know that. For example(This is just an example), "He turned to a pink unicorn, the newest medic for squad 101. She looked around nervously, pawing the ground and turning every few moments. It was almost as if she would jump at the slightest word." or, "He turned to a pink unicorn, the newest medic for squad 101. Her eyes were wide with excitement. It almost looked as if she was in pain just sitting still. Every time a pony passed her, she looked crestfallen when they didn't stop to talk to her." Sorry I can't be more helpful with the story, it's hard since I don't know much halo lore.
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@rhetoricalpony BTW, if Twilight is based off of Dr. Halsey (which she seems to be), don't forget that Cortana was the AI of Dr. Halsey. That's a good idea with RBD, and it can set up a scene where maybe RBD causes somepony to get hurt, and maybe that will get her to focus and forgive... or something. Rarity or Fshy would be good ones to kill off in New Ponyville though.
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@rhetoricalpony Okay. Well, do you think you'll be on in about 4 hours? I need to start heading to class... Hopefully I can supply more ideas during my lunch and computer class.
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@rhetoricalpony Well I'll start by giving the questions that this raises to me. 1. Who and How did said pony not make it? Were they left behind? Was it just an attack which they fended off and the lost pony was just a casualty? 2. Distance as in how? Was she the one who cryo'd herself (Though apparently she was not) What did she want to gain from distancing herself? Wouldn't her time with her friends have made her realize distancing herself is a problem? 3. How would Twilight be the deciding factor for the fate of "all ponykind" If you have answers to these, then that would help in understanding where this is going. If you don't, I suppose those would be a good place to start before continuing. I can try supplying some suggestions of course.
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@rhetoricalpony Okay... So Twiliight Sparkle is basicly the Covenent's mane focus? Hmmm..... Maybe we can mesh both of our ideas... Try taking it with my idea, because it really doesn't change your opening scene that much. Once they get to the ground, have them do the whole "rescue the squad" thing. Then after the fray is done, have like a surprised meeting between Twi & AJ. Start to leak information about the past from there, little questions from Apple Jack or something like that to get Twilight to explain some of it. Maybe slowly get the remainder of the mane six slowly back together, making it the only way to stave off the Covenent. Kind of put that irony in where Twi must do exactly the opposite of what she wanted. I'm sure you'll do what's right for your fic, though.
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@rhetoricalpony Go right ahead. Was just throwing out ideas. I guess you plan to go over grammer and spelling after you've finished writing the thing?
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@rhetoricalpony Alright... Okay. I've got an idea or two for you. Let's kind of change the setting first. Place it in a battle outside of one of the colonies. So not only could you expand on the rescue, but you would also set up what would occur next... Have something go wrong with the escape (possible part 2 title). Maybe someone gets injured along the way or something. But make it so their route of exit is blocked or somehow no longer an option. Force the squad down onto the colony below, where the covenent are already staging a planet-scale invasion. Maybe have the beleagured squad meet up with more troops, a squad that's under heavy fire (under command of Apple Jack??). Try taking it from there.
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@rhetoricalpony Well I just finished reading it, what would you like my reactions to? (Story, where to go from there, grammar/spelling, etc.)
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@rhetoricalpony Alright, gave it a good read... I'm assuming you've played Halo: ODST and watched Halo Legends?
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@rhetoricalpony Thank you! Will give it a read... I don't know owt about Halo, actually... do you think that'll affect my understanding significantly?
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@rhetoricalpony haha I know the feeling
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@rhetoricalpony I may be able to assist you, if you trust me to. Although I lack the experience in fanfics (and writing stories in general), those few stories that I have conveyed have been applauded by both my (English) teachers and peers alike. And I've considerable expertise with halo.
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@rhetoricalpony Was just getting ready. Yeah, sure thing, if you think it'd help you! I am considerably better at reading fanfics than writing them... so...
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@rhetoricalpony Well what's your ideas then? At least what you've got up to so far?
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@rhetoricalpony Dunno. We can just post on here, unless you have some other means of communication in mind.
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@rhetoricalpony Need any help? I'd be willing to try helping. (Not sure how, bouncing ideas off me maybe?)
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@rhetoricalpony Oh... but you've got a start? have you planned where you'd like the characters to be at the end? ...just a consideration, albeit coming from a pony who is absolutely apples at writing fanfic.
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@rhetoricalpony Do you have a broad idea yet? Or moving farther back, genre?
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@rhetoricalpony Are you just starting one?
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@rhetoricalpony both those things were the highlight of Kindergarten everything else like...... just kind of sucked
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@rhetoricalpony if magic kindergarten is anything like REAL kindergarten then no definitely not
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@rhetoricalpony yes....
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@rhetoricalpony Well it has to be at least moderately embarrassing to lose to his hyper combo. I mean he literally talks you to death apparently.
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@rhetoricalpony He just looks like an interesting character to play as with the added bonus of me liking him. I would've preferred him to have a little deeper voice though. Granted it's not that bad. He doesn't seem like he has that many special moves from the trailer though.
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@rhetoricalpony I hope you've boned up for your midterm If you want, I can help you cram Don't give a papayas about the essay test So let's skip it and get to the oral exam (thats a blowjob reference)
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@rhetoricalpony Seems like proving my "innocence" is kinda pointless though since the verdict of me liking Phoenix Wright games is * G U I L T Y *
