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@cajunbrony23 I just read it and you definitely have a lot of good things going on in the story. It was exciting and your dialogue is well done. I'll be sure to recommend it. This is for anypony who wants to read @cajunbrony23 's story. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/31931/1/Daring-Doo-and-the-Bleeding-Stone/Prologue#new_comment
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 17:52:20 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 17:59:24 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 I will read it once I can force me to focus on something other as the timeline.
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:00:52 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:03:51 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 well - about the Prolougue: it is understandable to nnot start with a "bang!" but this is what I'd have expected. However, you quickly got over the "boring" part and started the adventure fast - in a way that really fits the genre. In ddition, I like the name aerohead :)
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:19:23 UTC from web-
@hakupony thanks, :) btw, aerohead is my oc being huged by rarity in my avatar. that's his full body pic :) http://ur1.ca/9hwih
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:23:12 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 One moment: rarity is married? I would buy that a background pony is involved (especally since the name fits so well) but I understand Daring Do as a fictional character even for the MLP universe. If she isn't, that would make some strange distortions about how Rainbow Dash acts. To make long thingsshort: Rarity seems out of place here for me.
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:23:54 UTC from web-
@hakupony dont worry, I knew it would be a long shot, wich is why Rarity is only in the first chapter. I have no plans for her after that
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:25:46 UTC from web-
@cajunbrony23 [sp]@pnwhaoebal23 Guranobhgur svefg "gjvfg" (Gur jubyr eboorel whfg orvatn wbxr)[/sp] just ruined the tension for me you built up during the end of the prologue. If you want to keep me as invested as possible, you should avoid that - especially if we are so early in the story. We are not so far I know I want to fnish this story and a moment like this could make me stop.
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:29:08 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:30:50 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 [sp]“Lbh’er gryyvat zr gung xvat Bevba jnf ohevrq fbzrjurer jvgu uvf oybbq ehol?"[/sp] I didn't get how daring got there. It could also mean it was a sign that she herself was doomed because of that jewel (which also would make a good plot and would come to the mind of a savy reader)
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:31:51 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 It is "Guten Tag" - no german would say "güten".
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:38:41 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:40:20 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 "Ich’ll make you pay for zat" ROFL. Ich'll? This sounds like the german word for "hedgehog" in some dialects.
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:42:22 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:43:33 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 "Sie Hurensohn" also is very,very strange. "Sie" is a rather formal and polite way to adress somepony. If you are in a situation like this, you'd rather use "du".
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:44:48 UTC from web -
@cajunbrony23 And you said "Alswischz" instead of Heinrich.
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:45:37 UTC from web-
@hakupony "dummkopfs" the lural form is "Dummköpfe" - but "Idioten" would sound better because it is shorter.
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:46:53 UTC from web-
@hakupony the 'lural' form?
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:48:11 UTC from web-
@thunderboltpony plural. If you talk aboutmore than one pony. Sorry, my keayboard sucks and I'm to lazy to doublecheck what I wrote. However, the chapter was interesting because we had an action scene and daringg doo is all about action scenes. When she read the books I thought to myself "This is realistic in how an archeologist would act but daring doo seems more like she just jums into danger. But hey, it turned out fine. But there is still one thing I liked about the first chater more: open questions. I don't have any which would tempt me to read the next chapter. You really did that good during the prologue.
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:51:37 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:52:39 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 oops><
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:53:39 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:54:00 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 One thing is funny though. Even though I complained about Daring Doo being real in your ponyville, this insired me to a lot I' like to write someday. CMC go treasure hunting to some placea bit farer away. To make long things short: Twilight and Rainbow Dash get involved in the affair and they go to the location where the treasure should be. There, they meet daring Doo and get dragged into an awesome adventure. I think this might be my first fimfic...
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:58:34 UTC from web-
@hakupony sounds awsome :) thanks for your inputn btw I'll be sure to fix any German grammar mistakes
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:59:59 UTC from web-
@cajunbrony23 You're welcome. I think that most onies would not notice the mistakes but for a german brony they seem rather funny :)
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 19:01:06 UTC from web-
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 19:02:30 UTC from web
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@cajunbrony23 "Shiza!" I thnk you search for "Scheisse!"
Wednesday, 13-Jun-12 18:43:10 UTC from web
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