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* bites @ceruleanspark *
Sunday, 17-Jun-12 20:55:27 UTC from web-
@omni Can I help you dear?
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@ceruleanspark Perhaps a hug would help, I suppose... I'm still a wreck, it seems, and I see no hope for improvement in any way...
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@omni *hugs* Would you like to talk about it?
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@ceruleanspark I suppose letting some stress out again would be nice, if it's not bothersome for you...
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@omni Of course it isn't! Please feel free
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@ceruleanspark Well, remember how I was going to my owner where we would do something to help me become somewhat more stable, at least? Well, I was too scared of even the idea for anything to be possible at all. I also had one of my worst attacks yet, for seemingly no reason. We were just sitting behind her PC like we do a lot and suddenly everything became too much. Every light, sound, touch. Just, everything. It wasn't loud or bright, and I realized it was not, but it felt like it very much. I ended up having to make myself small blocking off light and holding my ears closed as much as possible for it to be even the slightest bit less terrible (though it still wasn't bearable). I pretty much panicked until I wasted all my energy, and at 8PM I felt as tired as I would normally feel around 12PM or even 1AM. It's just... I can see myself getting less and less stable and it's really, really starting to scare me because whatever I try, I can't see any improvement only regression...
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@omni That's the tragic thing about humans. You struggle so long without noticing any progress , you suffer in despair and you know when you give up, it will all be for nothing. But if you keep it on, you may at least make a difference. What you wrote here really sounds horrible, but I just would like to let you know I really would like to #hug you and tel you everything will be allright. I beliebe in you that you can make things allright. We do not talk often, but from what I have seen from you, you have a strong personality. This is why I believe in you to get better.
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@omni Poor thing. I feel like it's important not to give up hope, and that in mental situations like these, self belief is as important a factor as anything else. Have you experienced sensory overload like that before? If so, is it common?
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@hakupony What bothers me most is the burden I put on my owner. I mean, she says she doesn't mind taking care of me, but I can clearly how much it hurts her at times and I simply don't want that. I've stopped living for myself long ago, so I could really care less about it for myself. It's just... I really love her and I don't want her to have to suffer like that, it must be awful to see your partner having panic attacks and the likes and I don't want to keep putting her through all that, especially not as often as I do...
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@ceruleanspark I do experience random feelings of fear often, especially in shadow-rich areas, but I've never had that before.
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@omni The point is she loves you - and you is the whole package. Of course, she would like you to get rid of those panic attacks because she does not want you to suffer. And she may want to do some things with you which you can't because of those panic attacks. But she still loves you. I do believe you bring joy to her life as well. This is because she loves you.
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@omni Hmm, I was wondering because sensory overload like you described can sometimes be caused by being short on potassium. I was looking for an outside explanation
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@hakupony i dunno what your talking about but sounds encoreging
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@comradeconventrix I don't dislike relationships. I dislike getting a growing cancer in my heart which is not as merciful as to just crush it but to slowly destroying it from the inside. Making me wish to tear the damn thing out of my chest. I'd say these are two different things.
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@hakupony : the man ofthe long dashes
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@hakupony I know she loves me, and I'm really glad she does, and I love her more than I would ever imagine being able to love someone. And, well, what she keeps telling me pretty much is the same as your post. I don't know what to reply, really, but I thought it was rude not to... x.x
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@darkw00d Prophesizing? What now?
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@ceruleanspark I see. Being honest, I have no clue which kind of food or whatever contains potassium, so I can't really tell if I have had more or less than normal in that period.
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@woona no MELONS ate truly evil >:\
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@darkw00d No. I'm usually the one coming up with philosophy or political theory.
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@omni Food with a high salt content would reduce the amount of potassium in your body, but it's probably not that. That kind of sensory overload reaction is common in high autistic individuals too. If it would make you feel more "in control" of the situation, perhaps carry earplugs and an airline blindfold with you so that you can shut out sensory input at will.
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@omni It's okay. you know, there is something about the quote of Gurren lagann: "Don't believe in yourself! Believe in me! Believe in the Kamina who believes in you!" I wish you the best of luck with yourself :)
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@darkw00d one does not simply keep away from the bananas
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@comradeconventrix I studied two semesters of political science and sociology and now study pedagogics in 4th semester.
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@ceruleanspark I didn't really eat more salty goods than normally, and on that day I barely ate any. I have been diagnosed with PDD-NOS, but you probably can't consider that "high autistic". *sighs loudly* I guess it's possible to take things like that with me, but the more "tools" I use, the less I feel in control. I want to fight it myself, I'm really too afraid that the more often I use help, the less I can deal without them (I used to be able to sleep without a plush, for example, but ever since I got one I can't really sleep without anymore) v.v
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@comradeconventrix It wasn't for me, but I guess it also makes a huge difference in what college you go. We had an heavy emphasize of eastern asia and foreign relations - there was one professor who was cool, the others were... weird. Pedagocics is more my thing :)
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@omni i've watched a documentary aboutawoman with a super audition, they fixed that with a surgery. would thisbe an option for you?
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@omni My chief concern was that because you are afraid that it might happen again, you might put yourself into the mental state where it will, so I was trying to break the cycle of fear by giving you a direct means to control it.
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@comradeconventrix You most likely will also get into "Neorealism" in foreign affairs - in my opinion the bbest theory to explain the behaviour of the US of A
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@mushi Being honest, no. I don't want surgery unless absolutely necessary, and I'm still alive so it only sucks, but isn't necessary to be fixed with such drastic means. Still, thanks for trying to help, though.
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@ceruleanspark Ah, I see.
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@omni well, i kindaknoe that feel. My right ribs are not correcty positioned, so they are constantly pressing my lung,the doctor said it could be fixed with a surgery, but i really dont ant todothis
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@omni I just want to cuddle you until you feel better really *hugs*
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@omni You make a reasonable point there. Also, I wanted to know it is adorable you can only sleep with a Plushy :)
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@ceruleanspark #hugs It's getting late, I shouldn't stay up too long... Already starting to get afraid for no reasl reason again so if I want to go to sleep without having to hide below my blanket I should go now... Goodnight, Cerulean... Thanks, yet again... #hugs
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@omni Always friend ^_^
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@omni Goodnight! *watches over you* *hugs*
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@comradeconventrix Let's start with "units". A "unit" is every considerable force in the political system. These units always aim for security. To accomplish that, they use certain strategies. They either built up their capabilities to wage war or they cling to a stronger unit or they form an alliance to balance out the power. The basis is that every other power is seen as a potential thread - so if we have the classical cold war scenario - there were two units who made the system, so if one side gained power, the other would always feel threadened and aimed to get power. This is called the security dilemma which is the main reason units act as tehy do.
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@purplephish20 #hugs Thanks
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