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What kind of parasite is paranoid about pesticide? A nervous tick!
Friday, 31-Aug-12 10:25:49 UTC from web- Katy Brown repeated this.
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@thelastgherkin I don't think I would date Siamese twins. I don't find pair-shaped bodies attractive.
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@mibthebrony What's so special about Asteroid ham sandwiches? They're meteor.
Matthew Broderick likes this. -
@thelastgherkin And it begins.... What do you do with epileptic lettuce? Make a seizure salad.
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@mibthebrony I would like to apologise if anyone is epileptic and took offence to this joke.
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@mibthebrony What do you call a big pile of cats? ...A meowntain
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@thelastgherkin What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the dock!
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@mibthebrony "Doctor doctor, I keep getting bruises in the same places!" "You should stop going to those places then!"
Flare Dancer (Jenna) likes this. -
@thelastgherkin I went for a job interview recently, and the only two on the shortlist are me and a marsupial, but he has much better koalafications than me.
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@mibthebrony I'm trying to think of a joke about giraffes, but I'm not sticking my neck out.
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@thelastgherkin I tried to take two dead pigeons on holiday with me, but the stewardess said "sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger"
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@mibthebrony I take these iron tablets before bed and they're ruddy awful. I wake up facing north.
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@thelastgherkin Did you know pirates make the best singers, because they can hit the high seas.
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@mibthebrony I went out Chopin with my musician friend, but he forget his Lizst. We had to go Bach and get it.
Matthew Broderick likes this. -
@thelastgherkin An atom had an electron go missing and was positive that it was stolen.
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@mibthebrony Why didn't the ghost go to the party? He had no body to go with.
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@thelastgherkin Why are pirates pirates? Because they arrrrr.
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@mibthebrony Did you hear about the one-armed butler? He could take it, but he couldn't dish it out.
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@thelastgherkin A baby seal walked into a club....
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@mibthebrony Yes, I'm a horrible person.
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@mibthebrony I want to make a piece of art expressing my love for psychics, but I can't decide on a medium.
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@mibthebrony Yes you are.
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@thelastgherkin What do you call a dwarf fortune teller that has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
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@mibthebrony There was a breakout last week when a prison transport bus hit a cement mixer. Police are on the look out for some hardened criminals.
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@thelastgherkin Treebeard and Pippin raided Isengard. I hear the orcs are looking high and low for them.
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@mibthebrony There was a robbery the other day, at a police station no less! Someone actually stole all the toilets. Police have got nothing to go on.
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@thelastgherkin How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
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@thelastgherkin I remember that one.
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@mibthebrony There was a massive robbery of loads of equipment from a dog shelter. Police are looking into it. There's no leads.
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@thelastgherkin My friend dropped his Italian pastry on the floor. I cannoli imagine what he must be going through.
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@thelastgherkin Oh, that's a very British joke…
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@flaredancer @mibthebrony What kind of glasses do ghosts wear? Spooktacles.