The white void (hakupony)'s status on Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:49:17 UTC
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@cajunbrony23 "As she seduces you, she toys with your mind. Bending and twisting it. She manipulates their minds until it snaps in two." Why do you change from second person to third person? it is confusing and if you don't want to express anything with it, that's not a good thing. "I felt the my world should end" the "the" seems wrong here. You could write "the world", "world", "my world" or "that my world".
