Replies to lunaloverchay, page 17
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@lunaloverchay *slow clap of approval*
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@lunaloverchay You should credit him instead XD Or atleast, put his name first in the description of editors!
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@lunaloverchay I think you'll agree that given the new evidence, you should reconsider your position.
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@lunaloverchay This is a picture of a man riding a rocket motorcycle without the motorcycle. http://rainbowdash.net/attachment/765745
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@lunaloverchay A single word of advice: Motorcycles.
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@lunaloverchay Is english your primary laguage?
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@lunaloverchay Good for you! I am going to be a bit slow now, I am playing a game with friends! I will check back every now and then! so don't worryy!
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@lunaloverchay Now, there are many words you could use to change "Then she walked up to me and ask my name i told her my name." Now "i told her my name." Could be changed to say something less redundant, for example! "Then she walked up to me and ask my name, I told her in kind. 'My name is Chay Vroman...'" ELICIT emotions from your words! I am surprised, you seem to learn fast
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@lunaloverchay OH and add the fact that I am helping you in the description instead of the story, it will feel out of place and ruin any feels you are trying to mold in people! You don't have to eliminate me from the story, just move the fact that I helped edit to the desc
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@lunaloverchay "One year later in the summer I join a site" you need to punctuate! (BE A PUNC) You may want to add a comma between later and in and add another comma between summer and I. and make join Joined instead
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@lunaloverchay True, thre are people who at least want to!
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@lunaloverchay XD that is alright!
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@lunaloverchay Here is a song I thought Of #NSFW http://rainbowdash.net/url/765744
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@lunaloverchay You're going far kid.
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@lunaloverchay But good job making them all night! It IS Luna after all XD (and I see you relate to Luna on a PERSONAL level, both being missunderstood and then making a terrible decision to join the darkness but due to the help of your gfamily, you recovered and reggretted your decision)
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@lunaloverchay I was talking about the "One day I hade a dream" Change that into "One night, I had a dream" I FEEL WRONG DOEING THIS XD but buck it... lettuce do it
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@lunaloverchay Are you comfortable explaining in more detail what happened to you! I can relate!
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@lunaloverchay Change "One day" To "One night" it will make more chronological sense and will also add to your diction.
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@lunaloverchay I want to hug you right now man!
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@lunaloverchay Hey, kid, how old are you?
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@lunaloverchay You hurt yourself?
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@lunaloverchay OH I understand now XD Go ahead and pour your heart out and soul!
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@lunaloverchay "kill meter"? WOW! How beaten up were you bro? And am I reading this correctly? XD WOW I had no idea! I am glad you are ok, I am glad you didn't hurt your family! <3
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@lunaloverchay XD OH is this non-fiction? UM...... I am not sure how to react to this.... just don't obbsess over anything other wise it gets unhealthy and can lead to delusions and even irrational thought. NOW THEN! I am touched by what you said about me really XD um... hold on a moment I will post another correction :L
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@lunaloverchay OH! Ok, Um, is Chay Vroman a character that is well, bored all the time or is he well, happy all the time? Is his attitude something that is crazy? I need details, I gave an example for yout o follow! If you liked it you could use it... I had no Idea i was spot on bro but, good work? XD I am sorta baffled right now. Um lettuce see.... "That was the first time saw Luna ever since I saw her I want Princess Luna to come to me and take me to Equestria. Away from all the hate and sadness of the human world i live in." OK put an "I" between "first time" and "saw Luna" and put a comma between "saw Luna" and "ever since"
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@lunaloverchay OKAY! Goodthing I am here, First off, decide what point of view you want, and introduce Chay as the person talking say something ALLONG the lines of "I am chase, my boring and begrudging day begins with me getting dressed in my ussual attire to begin another dull day of school..." you need to connect what you say to the events in a logical order for this point of view, lists are great, change the "i" to capitals to! :3 You are doing fantastic and I have writers blcok so I can't write things fast as you can! I am jellous to be honets.
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@lunaloverchay Ok I am reading it, but, how do I edit?
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@lunaloverchay AYE!
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@lunaloverchay i m going to have to find a way for you to edit it
