awl's favorite notices, page 17
This is a way to share what you like.
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Severe weather warning at the North Pole. Mrs Claus wakes up in the middle of the night, having been awoken by something heavy hammering down on the roof. She asks her husband, "Honey, what's that noise?" Without stirring, Mr Claus replies, "Sounds like "
Tuesday, 01-Dec-15 17:42:17 UTC from web -
Are you aware? http://pny.lv/00wf9
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@northernnarwhal Which is also the dichotomy of RDN users!
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I want to start adapting Japanese horror films to the American south. First up, "Sweet Home, Alabama."
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just finished raking leaves in record time. guess you could say I was working at rakeneck speed
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@tiffany Speaking from my early 30s here, I think that if I've learned anything it's that it is much more important to be flexible and adaptable than to have a "master plan." Hell, when I went to so-called college, it wasn't because I really wanted to do what I went for anymore, but because I didn't have any other ideas and "time off / exploring" was never presented as an option. And plowing forward on a dead dream sure served me well! /sarcasm Anyway, while I'd love to wrap up with something like "They only pester you because they worry because they care," I think instead I'll go with "Illegitimi non carborundum." Don't let the apples grind you down.
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@pomawlgranate your forehead is too big to have brows that low
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Undertale is the opposite of overhead
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Also, "active shooter" at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado. He must be white; they didn't say "terrorist."
Friday, 27-Nov-15 23:18:40 UTC from web -
@pomawlgranate IS THAT WHERE YOU HID THE BODIES
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Yo man the cops are coming. Quick hide the painfully overused memes.
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needed 3h to compose this: You have a way of putting others at ease. I lost my train of thought.
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@northernnarwhal shut up weeb
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@lvbot cherry off
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We would all contrive new conflict
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A drunken man who smelled like a distillery flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say father, what causes arthritis?”
The priest replies, “My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around
with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”
The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be damned,” then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, father. I was just reading here that the pope does.” -
@clayinthecarpet Yuh huh, I pitch my voice like PERFECTLY
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@skellythos It'd be really funny if Hunger Games won.
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A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
Tuesday, 24-Nov-15 05:16:36 UTC from web -
♲ @phlox81@twitter.com: @diogene2607 @ppinternational
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I thought ten was the optimum, since a woman told me she lacked eight
Monday, 23-Nov-15 17:43:57 UTC from web -
When i ask the fortune teller to read my luck http://rainbowdash.net/attachment/829607
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Fun fact: You can't have "Yodelerty" without "ty"
Sunday, 22-Nov-15 19:32:18 UTC from web -
@hecatia You wanna talk "scarred for life?" Try getting literally scarred - for life!
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Why do I still have this LMAO
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Please try to not post about rectums, thank you
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@lukaso666 Perhaps you are interested in Georgian music,too. I like #Gordela a lot https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN0zLrRX-Ls #Kaukaz #folk
