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Saturday, 12-May-12 23:46:46 UTC from web
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@pegasisterforever You got me with chapter two. I thought it was just really bad writing but it was just a dream. But seriously, dreams tend to be strange but this one had very little to do with what really is in the show. Fluttershys best friend who we never seen before (since Fluttershy is the kind of Pony who makes so many friends) - a younger brother of Pinky Pie we never met before even though she would introduce everypoy to him if she had one and Princess Celestria graduating school and Fluttershy must be reminded to take care of the animals. Not to the part outside of the dream: why would I care for those people? If you don't start building up some tension, I'd not read further. It really pains me to be so rude but even though you do have a decent writing style, I just can't start caring for your story. The only thing I really would want to know after two chapters is why dreamworld-ponyville was destroyed.
Sunday, 13-May-12 00:17:07 UTC from web-
@hakupony Thanks for the critique! If you care, the extra characters are from a video game, (heavy rain) and the point of the fic is to follow the plot of the video game through the main character's drug induced dreams. It isn't very serious at all, and I guess I should have mentioned Heavy Rain first. Fluttershy didn't have to be reminded, The first part of the game uses a really stupid note to introduce the protagonist's (Ethan Mars, substituted with Fluttershy, due to his strange, awkward manner of behavior) Wife, (Substitued with Ellegrace, who really isn't important.) Pinkie Pie has a smaller brother, due to the fact that Pinkie Pie substitute's Jason, who gets hit by a car in the very 3rd scene. The main protagonist in this story is Norman Jayden, an FBI agent who solved the case of the "Origami Killer" which he is dreaming of in Pony Terms. :D @cajunbrony23 only needed to read it because he has played Heavy Rain IRL. :D
Monday, 14-May-12 05:08:22 UTC from web
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