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  1. trilby trilby

    While we're on the topic of fanfictions, can anyone give me any kind of feedback on this? http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7093836/1/Blurring_The_Lines

    Wednesday, 22-Jun-11 17:58:13 UTC from web
    1. ★ ★

      @earflaps Pretty short. I accidentally read the last line first when scrolling down to see if it loaded right. Oops.

      Wednesday, 22-Jun-11 17:59:23 UTC from web
      1. trilby trilby

        @starshine There's two chapters, and it's still a work in progress.

        Wednesday, 22-Jun-11 18:00:02 UTC from web
    2. trilby trilby

      @rotation Don't even joke about that fontstrosity.

      Wednesday, 22-Jun-11 18:00:33 UTC from web
    3. Drew Drew

      @earflaps I'll give feedback. There are no fundamental flaws or problems. I liked it. The things I would watch or experiment with are the dream sequence. I know it's meant to be from Twilight's perspective, but it does drag a bit in first person. If there was a way to keep this part in third person it would work better. Also, "Pinkie was Pinkie" works for those of us who know what Pinkie is usually like, but I just feel like it's a shrug to a character that doesn't necessarily need to be there. Unless she's going to do something more interesting or has a plot point to construct, it's just cluttering things somewhat. Those were the only two things that really leapt out at me.

      Wednesday, 22-Jun-11 18:19:38 UTC from web