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  1. Crusader 8 Crusader 8

    You got a case of run-on sentences, some grammar issues and spelling issues, which is the norm for first drafts. You should expand what you wrote into at least two or three pages, So that you can have more room to paint the scene/describe what's happening better. My last suggestion is to keep it in third person and not first person.

    Sunday, 20-May-12 03:58:00 UTC from web
    1. No Name No Name

      @crusader8 ok thx for the help btw I if you could help me write it because I been doing alot of school that would really help.plus you know all the cool websites.

      Sunday, 20-May-12 03:59:59 UTC from web
      1. Crusader 8 Crusader 8

        @luckyjack eh, I will have no time myself. Two jobs, writing a comic with an artist, trying to write my own fic, and still planning a bigger project. :(

        Sunday, 20-May-12 04:01:22 UTC from web
        1. No Name No Name

          @crusader8 Ok well maybe ill see if my GF will help she loves the things

          Sunday, 20-May-12 04:02:06 UTC from web