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liberals don't understand why people put up with the racist uncle
but he's the one with a truck, who when you need help moving, always volunteers, because you're family-
@moonman No! He has one negative view, he isn't allowed ANY redeeming character traits! Monster! Monster!!
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@scribus Now, if it were to avoid driving a wedge between oneself and one's tolerant aunt or something, well... That's a consideration.
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@moonman
Is it cos he's just a nice guy and politics don't matter, or is it cos you're family as you said. Cos my family were awful so the "you're family" reasoning is confusing to me. -
@moonman and because you don't have to agree with everything somebody thinks or says, they also don't suddenly become an irredeemable person who you must convert or take the head off for it.
There's a lot of that Potato Knishes going around in those circles, getting them to find a reason to isolate themselves from the people closest to them. -
@katiekats people are flawed and have good and bad qualities. I made a generalization though
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@sim @moonman
my parents raped me
abused me
forcefully got me addicted to quite a few drugs
made me a slave
kept me cut off from all media and proper education
did all the same abuses to my sister in front of me
sold me and my sister to a gang which then lead to further horrors around the age of ten
i'd go on but theres a character limit and ive a point to make
when my extended family eventually found out years later, no one cared or wished to help me
nothing can make up for what my parents did, or make me like my extended family for their lack of care. there is no weird connection. i do not feel some form of linking to them in my blood. i am not a tad more forgiving because, well they are family to me after all. if they burn in hellfire it is better than they deserve. -
@moonman @katiekats I also think that you can still love someone, because they are family and there were some good times... but if they abuse you, then cut or limit your ties with them. And that it is perfectly understandable that you would feel confused when the lines have blurred, when they have abused your trust and love in such a way. Not even being family should mean putting up with abuse of any kind.
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@sim @moonman
there was no good times and there shall be no love. i am not confused on this. them being family does not and should not matter. please to not tread this ground as to assume that even those who were abused had -some- decent times, have -some- connection to them, care in -some- way, however small. i do not. i never shall. i am broken today because of the path they set me on. -
@katiekats @moonman I think that is understandable. I can't really define the link that I feel, but I do think that it is strengthened when you get to know and be around them as you grow up, when they do love you in return. If there is no connection, if they don't care... I don't think that even being family would necessarily endear you to them. So maybe it is more than family ties when I think about it. I don't feel especially close to all extended members of my family... just the ones I grew up around and liked.
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@katiekats @moonman I apologise... I didn't mean to imply that you did. I just know someone who does still... and I meant that it can still happen, not that it is for you. I could have worded things much better. I'm glad that you are not confused about this, that you do know how you feel in this regard.
I'm not sure how to phrase things in a way that says I understand and agree with you on your stance. That abuse shouldn't be acceptable even amongst family... what happened to you isn't right. -
@sim
Sorry, sim. I get ya. Probably shouldn't have reacted as I did, I know people jump on ya in posts quite a bit, or, well, have. I've not been in good way the last few days at all so, yeah, I kinda took your posts at a face value thing and lashed out. genuine apologies. -
@katiekats Apology accepted. I understand why you lashed out, not feeling in a good way sucks and I know this is a sensitive topic for you as it would be with me in the same position.
Would it be fair to say that you were lashing out at the idea of still loving your abuser when they are family? Because I definitely don't want you to feel like you should love them or anything along those lines, even being family doesn't excuse it. I would agree with your assessment. There was no basis for you to build love and trust on, and so it wouldn't be there. "They're family" would be meaningless due to that. It's more a turn of phrase to describe a certain feeling and connection you have for a family member, but you would need that in the first place. I think when I say "Because they're family", there is a connection there. -
@sim
mhm, due to lashing out, I didn't entirely get the point you were making and saw it more as a "well I get being angry at them but they're family so there will always be a little bit of love there you can't help" if that makes sense?
Now I get your point, but at time I was just "well...there's no happiness at all, so I reject the idea that I even have the slightest love for them"
Parents and extended that is. My sister was lovely. Just to be clear. -
@katiekats That makes sense. I think for me, I would want to be understanding on both sides. If you did still feel some love for them because there was that connection too(But there isn't here), then I would want you to know that it would be understandable but it's still not right for them to abuse you. If you don't, I would want you to know that I think that is understandable too. Connection or not. What they did is wrong and not acceptable. I think I would reject the idea too. Definitely don't feel like you should have to feel one way or the other.
I'm glad that your sister was lovely to you even when everyone else failed you both. I hope you got some familial love between each other growing up. There are no words for how tragic your upbringing was... I can only hope to never abuse my children when they are born, to do my best to love, protect and provide for them as a mother should. To learn from the mistakes I make and keep improving/growing.
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