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I wish I could find out what is wrong with me. How I feel? It's too long and complicated to list. I hope I can save someone's life before I become useless.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:39:46 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen cheer up, kiddo.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:40:55 UTC from web-
@abigpony I'm not even sad though. My mind has itself in a loop of worry, confusion, stress and is punishing itself. Its like a bad m comedown after a bad trip. Somewhere I don't have closure.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:43:07 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen fact: you have xbox live
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:44:12 UTC from web-
@rdnsvampirekid but I don't pay for it. It's been off for months.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:45:04 UTC from StatusNet iPhone
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@renovatedkitchen Welcome to the human psyche
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:45:07 UTC from web-
@abigpony yeah. Where's the exit.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:46:38 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen You're gonna be stuck like that for the rest of your life. Work what you can with it.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:47:46 UTC from web-
@abigpony bleh. I can work and deal with it all on my own. It's more a matter of for how long.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:49:03 UTC from StatusNet iPhone -
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:53:14 UTC from web
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@widget sometimes. Mix a bunch of other stuff and multiple personalities in there. But how do you overcome what you mentioned?
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:50:22 UTC from StatusNet iPhone -
@widget that's what I've been doing for a while. To be honest, it would be much easier for me to let go of emotions. I feel like I'm at the stage where I can knock them all out right now, but I'm holding onto the corner with them right now because I'm not 100% sure what I want to do.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:57:39 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen From someone who literally has a lack of emotions cause of his childhood, I'd say don't do it. It's gotten me into more trouble than good.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:58:38 UTC from web-
@minti as it has for me. I'm thinking, allocate the emotions for friends and people I support. Everyone else gets the hardass shell of me.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 08:59:58 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen I've gotten by personally by only blocking half the emotions. The negative ones. xD I've still gotten in trouble over it, especially when my mom passed away but it's a lot easier to lvie by. xD
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:00:48 UTC from web-
@minti lvie is best word
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:01:11 UTC from web -
@minti I'm sorry to hear about your mother *hugs*. I was the same too. When I heard my aunt passed away, I laughed. Anything serious, and I would smile/laugh. Of course I would feel pain on the inside, but I never let it show. Being smiley and constantly happy has never gotten me anywhere or through anything. To me, it seems its almost done more bad than good. Once I realized and accepted that, I turned the happy me off. If no one would appreciate it, then they could get the mean side of me and enjoy it all they like. I'm in such an pickle. I haven't stopped feeling this way for over 6 hours and have work soon. I'm just such a mess.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:05:52 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Heh, same for me really. When she passed I was all happy and trying to cheer people up and everyone was like "Dude, your mom just died after fighting cancer for like two years. Shouldn't you be sad as hell right now?". xD
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:07:26 UTC from web-
@minti don't you ever feel as though being all happy is just making you run in circles?
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:08:42 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Nope, not at all. I prefer to be happy and celebrate stuff than be sad and pessimistic about stuff.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:09:13 UTC from web-
@minti I feel as though if I do be happy, I'm hiding the hardass part of me. Darn. The more I think, the worse it gets. I'm such a freaking mess. If there was one good friend I wouldn't mess a friendship up with, I swear. I have to live though to save someone's life. I really should just drop it all and retain the one attitude of an empty shell.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:12:54 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen shrug I'm known as that happy-go-lucky nice guy, and I'm fine with that image. :p I guess I'm also lucky in that I have two friends from highschool who I've known for like 7+ years and we're all still friends. xD
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:15:41 UTC from web-
@minti I have a friend I've known since birth. We've had some rough, rough patches. I guess we're still friends. After constantly being picked on for being that happy person, I couldn't take it. Threats to people became all more real and I couldn't handle any of the self punishing stress I was creating. I flipped and I've been iffy ever since. My friend has almost always gone to a different school, so I was always self reliant. I haven't had a bad episode in a long while, so I guess I'm making up for it now or something.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:21:52 UTC from StatusNet iPhone
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@widget This is completely true. It's a big reason why I went EverfreeNW, and why I'm now going to meetups.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:01:21 UTC from web -
@widget Well that's a different way to put it. I personally just prefer being happy, either alone or with people.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:17:35 UTC from web -
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:19:22 UTC from web -
@widget but I've been finding the less happy I am in public, the more people I attract. Maybe I was just too happy.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:23:21 UTC from StatusNet iPhone -
@widget I was just always happy, not bouncing around, but if I didn't stop myself, would even start saying hi and hello to strangers on the street that looked at me.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:31:56 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Lol, I do that too. "Hello, good day today!" "JE NE PARLE ANGLIAS, TU PARLE FRANCIAS SVP? NON? KAY BYE"
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:32:58 UTC from web-
@minti lol. People would give me such strange looks (ontarians don't speak French xD). Ah, but in friend groups, no one would ever take me seriously. I would like to say that that is what started with killing my confidence and I found that inner anger/sadness. I would be very honest about something and I would either be laughed at/ignored/ or been told no, someone else who is trustworthy has to do it.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:36:58 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Wait, you live in Toronto correct?
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:41:40 UTC from web-
@minti eyeup
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:42:10 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Ah, explains. We're right across the river from Ottawa so ottawa is full of french people. (Over here it's 60%-70% french. xD)
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:44:55 UTC from web-
@minti i Ne parle français, j'ai eu ce à partir de google translate. :)
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:46:54 UTC from web-
@rainbowmaui Hehe. Google translate ftw. xD
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:49:16 UTC from web-
@minti yay! but really i dont.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:49:29 UTC from web-
@rainbowmaui xD I know. If you did you wouldn't have used Tanslate!
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:50:27 UTC from web-
@minti qui a dit que j'ai été en utilisant traduire?
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:51:26 UTC from web-
@rainbowmaui If you weren't, "traduire" would have still been Translate. XD
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:53:22 UTC from web-
@minti I don't even know what your talking about! XD
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:54:10 UTC from web
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@minti dear me! How can you survive! Although (I know it's not close) old Quebec City is very beautiful. I love the cobble streets and such.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:46:58 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen It's very hard. >> Kinda. And oh man I've been wanting to go there.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:47:38 UTC from web-
@minti :o you've never been to old Quebec? Oh my! It's fairly beautiful. Why have you not been?
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:49:27 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen No transportation mainly. Jobless and without a license, and screw public transit.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:50:04 UTC from web-
@minti that, would be bologna. I don't know when I will be there next, but my oh my if I am I'll take you there and we'll go to all the sights. I have a job, and it'll be an excuse to help my uncle in Montreal with moving to Toronto.
Sunday, 30-Sep-12 09:53:58 UTC from StatusNet iPhone
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