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  1. Triscy Triscy

    Hey... I'm Fluttershy. I saw this site and made an account. I hope you don't mind...

    Tuesday, 05-Apr-11 01:06:59 UTC from web
    1. colfax colfax

      @scribus I don't notice any tense issues in it.

      Saturday, 14-May-11 14:55:27 UTC from StatusNet Desktop
    2. Elliot McPherson Elliot McPherson

      @scribus I liked it, I say it should become its own project and make a longer story of it.

      Saturday, 14-May-11 14:56:57 UTC from web
    3. Steve D. Steve D.

      @scribus I took a look. there are a few instances, and shoot should of been the word shot.

      Saturday, 14-May-11 15:00:04 UTC from web
    4. Steve D. Steve D.

      @scribus I'll give u a prime example "He had a piercing headache between his eyes." (that's fine, it's using present tense) "He remembered a walk in Whitetail Woods, gathering clouds, lightning." (remembered a walk makes it past tense, if u wanna stay in present tense, the line should of been "He remembered walking")

      Saturday, 14-May-11 15:07:02 UTC from web
      1. ★ ★

        @delc17 What? No.

        Saturday, 14-May-11 15:14:43 UTC from StatusNet Android
    5. Steve D. Steve D.

      @scribus ah ok, yeah, i skipped over that. Though at first thought, those 2 sentences can be somewhat confusing on the tense. I think if u werent limited by the 300 words, it might of turned out better

      Saturday, 14-May-11 15:12:36 UTC from web
    6. Steve D. Steve D.

      @scribus I reread it, this time paying a lot more attention, and i can't tell any errors this time. I'd choose some words differently, but that would be me, not you. just to make it sound a bit cleaner. but doing so might go over 300 words

      Saturday, 14-May-11 15:15:56 UTC from web