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  1. Scribus Scribus

    !writeponies An anonymous review on Equestria Daily said my 300-Word submission had "mixed tenses." I'm quite sure it doesn't. preview.tinyurl.com/3wczaye Would anyone be willing to help me dig for them, or confirm their absence?

    Saturday, 14-May-11 14:52:49 UTC from web
    1. colfax colfax

      @scribus I don't notice any tense issues in it.

      Saturday, 14-May-11 14:55:27 UTC from StatusNet Desktop
      1. Scribus Scribus

        @marrock Thanks, glad it's not just me. I'm thinking the fragmented sentences may have been confusing, after reading Anon's comment.

        Saturday, 14-May-11 14:57:30 UTC from web
    2. Elliot McPherson Elliot McPherson

      @scribus I liked it, I say it should become its own project and make a longer story of it.

      Saturday, 14-May-11 14:56:57 UTC from web
      1. Scribus Scribus

        @doctorwhooves Thank you, but I'm honestly not certain I have a clear idea of where else to take it.

        Saturday, 14-May-11 15:06:24 UTC from web
    3. Steve D. Steve D.

      @scribus I took a look. there are a few instances, and shoot should of been the word shot.

      Saturday, 14-May-11 15:00:04 UTC from web
      1. Scribus Scribus

        @delc17 Shoot! Confound stealthy typos... Thanks! What would you say the other ones were?

        Saturday, 14-May-11 15:04:53 UTC from web
        1. Steve D. Steve D.

          @scribus I'll give u a prime example "He had a piercing headache between his eyes." (that's fine, it's using present tense) "He remembered a walk in Whitetail Woods, gathering clouds, lightning." (remembered a walk makes it past tense, if u wanna stay in present tense, the line should of been "He remembered walking")

          Saturday, 14-May-11 15:07:02 UTC from web
          1. Scribus Scribus

            @delc17 I thought "had" was past tense of "to have." Like, "I had a pet dog when I was a kid."

            Saturday, 14-May-11 15:10:40 UTC from web
            1. Steve D. Steve D.

              @scribus ah ok, yeah, i skipped over that. Though at first thought, those 2 sentences can be somewhat confusing on the tense. I think if u werent limited by the 300 words, it might of turned out better

              Saturday, 14-May-11 15:12:36 UTC from web
            2. Steve D. Steve D.

              @scribus I reread it, this time paying a lot more attention, and i can't tell any errors this time. I'd choose some words differently, but that would be me, not you. just to make it sound a bit cleaner. but doing so might go over 300 words

              Saturday, 14-May-11 15:15:56 UTC from web
              1. Scribus Scribus

                @delc17 I had originally worded things differently, but I decided to make Trixie's identity more obvious & needed to cut it down to make room. Thank you for your help.

                Saturday, 14-May-11 17:32:20 UTC from StatusNet Android
          2. ★ ★

            @delc17 What? No.

            Saturday, 14-May-11 15:14:43 UTC from StatusNet Android