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Thursday, 05-Dec-13 08:26:24 UTC from web
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Step 3: Cry yourself to sleep and swallow all your medication with alcohol.
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@yodelerty What, exactly, is your problem?
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@colfax Depression.
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@colfax I'm making notes for myself.
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@yodelerty You're being weird... stop being weird and be awesome instead.
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@colfax I forget how to be awesome. Weird is all I know.
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@yodelerty Weird is nice. It's what brought most of us here, don't you know.
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@clayinthecarpet I'm the unfunny kind of weird. The sad kind. I'm good at it, though.
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@yodelerty You seem well enough to me. I like you as a person. :D I'm as weird as weirdos come, myself, anyway.
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@clayinthecarpet Yeah, you seem pretty cool. Don't get near me, though. I'll make you hate me just like everyone else I've been near! :D
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@yodelerty I doubt it. You're all right.
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@clayinthecarpet Just wait. You'll see what kind of awful person I am.
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@yodelerty As long as you don't intend to personally harm me or anyone else, I just don't see how that's possible.
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@clayinthecarpet I never intend to harm. It happens though. Saying sorry never helps either.
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@yodelerty You remind me of me. I'm EXTREMELY opinionated about certain things and have developed enemies that way. It's part of life. You have what you have to say and that's it sometimes.
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@yodelerty But that does not at ALL mean that people have the right to look down on you for it, especially if your opinions are valid and can't be disputed.
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@clayinthecarpet They certainly do their best to dispute what I think. And then I give up and just apologize for stating them because I don't want to seem like the bad guy. Which is pointless because, as it turns out, I actually am the bad guy. Whee.
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@yodelerty No, never give up. Make other people/ponies understand your point of view. That's important for your own artistic interpretation.
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@yodelerty You're not a bad guy for simply having a differing opinion.
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@clayinthecarpet Dude, my opinion doesn't matter to anyone. /I/ don't matter to anyone. Who cares?
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@yodelerty That's completely unrealistic. Why would you assume that you don't matter to anyone?
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@clayinthecarpet Because I don't do anything for anyone? I'm good for nothing? The fact that I exist is probably some sick joke? Hell, I know everyone thinks of me as a big joke.
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@yodelerty Your life isn't defined by what you do for anyone else...It's defined by what you do for yourself.
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@yodelerty make other people see ur way. Prove other people wrong. We'll try to. We can't all be winners
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@yodelerty Do not make RDN a den of lies.
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@clayinthecarpet I verbally assault myself before I go to bed. And all kinds of cool things like that. That's what I do for me.
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@rainbowdash3847 Right. I'm a loser.
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@yodelerty Oh come on. You know you're better than that.
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@yodelerty dude don't do that urlfe is wonderful if u make it wonderful
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@pony I'm not. Don't worry.
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@yodelerty no u are not. Do something u like we are all here to support and guide u. So try new things :)
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@yodelerty Shut up
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@clayinthecarpet Hahaha.
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@pony Eep.
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@yodelerty and after you shut up, say something positive about yourself, no matter how big a lie you think it is. Say it to yourself over and over.
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@pony I'm a human being.
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@yodelerty thank you :)
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@pony No problem I guess.
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@yodelerty he said positive not things that are obvious and don't do notin for yer emotions
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@rainbowdash3847 There is nothing positive about me. Anything positive I say about myself is objectively a lie.
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@yodelerty aye. keep telling yourself you're human and think about the value inherent in that.
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@yodelerty no no that's a lie wat u said right there
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@rainbowdash3847 I know but I'll take it still :D
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@yodelerty *facehoof* I wish I could believe you were trolling.
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@pony Sure.
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@rainbowdash3847 Nope.
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@pony I don't troll.
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@yodelerty Go read some self help books.
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@yodelerty Do you want to be happy?
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@pony Of course. But I don't deserve to be happy.
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@yodelerty Do you want to deserve to be happy?
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@pony Of course. But bad people don't get to be happy.
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@yodelerty yes it was. Wat is the one reasons u are here and/or know about this website... Most likely mlp. Watch the show. It makes me happy so I suggest watching it. It might make u happy
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@yodelerty Do you want to be "good people?"
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@rainbowdash3847 it's such a happy feel-good show!
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@rainbowdash3847 It did. A few years ago.
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@pony Yes. But people never change.
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@yodelerty Do you want to change despite your belief?
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@pony Yes.
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@yodelerty watch it again it might make u happy again. And like pony said its a happy fell good show.
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@yodelerty what would it take to change your belief?
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@rainbowdash3847 I know it is. I should rewatch the episodes probably.
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@pony I haven't the slightest clue.
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@yodelerty Do you want to change your belief if it means being happy?
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@pony I guess.
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@yodelerty not just that episode but watch da other ones 2 :)
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@rainbowdash3847 I'll watch them all. Or something.
Toby likes this. -
@yodelerty would you be willing to maybe read some things that could give a different perspective about change?
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@pony Sure.
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@yodelerty Are you open to suggestions?
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@yodelerty ya ya ur making me happy so go do it :)
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@pony I suppose.
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@rainbowdash3847 Maybe tomorrow. I'm just gonna listen to music.
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@yodelerty what kind of music happy or sad
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@rainbowdash3847 Angry.
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@yodelerty why u angry or sometim
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@rainbowdash3847 jk
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@rainbowdash3847 I'm always angry or sad.
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@yodelerty try to be happy but I'm going to bed so bye and msg me on how u feel tmrw I want to try and he
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@rainbowdash3847 Bye.
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@rainbowdash3847 try and help sry hit enter... Anyways we all are so see ya
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@yodelerty D'you want to play a guessing game for which book I'd recommend?
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@pony I don't know.
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@yodelerty I honestly just think you'd do well with a bit more distraction sometimes, especially if that distraction gets you outside of your head and thinking about others, like an hour or 2 of volunteer work per week or something at your local Red Cross.
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@pony I think about others while I'm at work kind of. It's just temporary though. Doesn't fix anything.
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@yodelerty that's good. I forgot what you do for a living. Still, work is more of an obligation than what I'm thinking of, and it helps you out too. Volunteer work can give you self value beyond what work alone can.
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@pony Sounds like I'd have to be ambitious then. And actually talk to strangers about volunteer work. Just thinking about it is making me shake.
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@yodelerty the great thing about volunteer work is that, if you go to the right place (i.e. almost any place there's an actual need), then you can screw up or be extremely awkward and they'll still praise you so it's not like you have anything to really worry about. If you don't have the drive to help others though it won't help you at all to force yourself of course.
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@pony Like I've said, I'm not a good person. I don't have the drive to help the less fortunate. If only because it's a nightmare to drive anywhere right now.
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@yodelerty You have the internet. There are ways to help people online too. I haven't looked into it, but it could also help you avoid social anxiety if that's a thing for you.
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@pony I'd love to avoid that. And I do help people online. Though if I slip up even slightly they forget about it so what's even the point.
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@yodelerty If you don't do anything different you'll end up with the same results. Keep trying new things, and if the reward you get from something turns out to be worth the pain when you do mess up, then that's probably a good option. Also, volunteer to do things that you're passionate about, and you'll be a lot more likely to enjoy and do well at it
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@pony I'm not passionate about anything. I thought I established that. And people just don't care. I can help them as many times as I want but it's not like they're going to be grateful. They don't care at all. They just abandon me like I'm a piece of trash and replace me with someone else. That's all I am to anyone. Just as replaceable as a dirty coffee filter or a dead battery.
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@yodelerty If you want to be happy I think you'll need to discover your passions. A big reason people reject you is because you openly reject yourself. Repress that, replace it with self praise, however phony it may feel to you, and you'll stand a much better chance at at least not driving potential friends away. I assume you want friends.
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@pony I do want friends but I'm probably going to have to look elsewhere than here to pretend I'm worth something openly because everyone here hates my guts.
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@yodelerty You've been very pleasant at times when you're not griping about yourself. If you stopped that you'd be pretty well off I think. Folks are forgiving around here I think
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@yodelerty so.. uh.. do I not count, then? Because I don't.
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@pony They're really not from what I've seen. Some are, I'll admit. But a lot of them just hold onto it like a homeless person holds onto a discarded pizza slice, myself included. Also it's hard to make friends with people who don't want to give you light of day, regardless of behaviour.
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@flamingpandaomg You don't? Weird. You must overlook 100% of what I do then.
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@flamingpandaomg so much negative exaggreation.
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@flamingpandaomg on his part
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@yodelerty That's what friends do. They forgive and forget.
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@yodelerty So why hang around this place?
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@flamingpandaomg I didn't know we were friends.
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@yodelerty I always considered you to be my friend.
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@pony Nowhere else to go. I'd be leaving a major community in my life without having a new one to be a part of. So I stay because without RDN I have nothing.
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@flamingpandaomg ...Huh. That's bizarre.
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@yodelerty Why do you keep alienating us by going back to bad behavior (pushing us away and self-deprecating) then?
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@yodelerty Are you perhaps not aware that the way you talk about yourself often isn't just harmful to yourself, it's harmful to those who would be close to you?
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@pony Because if I'm not venting, I'm sad, and, as it turns out, when I'm not self-deprecating I'm just boring instead of just terrible. And I know it's harmful to others but I can't help it. I can't just hold it in. It hurts to do that. The anger builds up and I end up hurting myself both mentally and physically. I'm weak essentially.
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@yodelerty You can't justify hurting others just because you're weak. There's a difference between simply venting and self-deprecation. Venting is fine, like saying you're feeling down or moody, but saying you're worthless hurts both you and people who come across that negativity, especially those with any sense of compassion. Tell us you're angry or feel weak and explain exactly what actions led to that feeling, but hold back the judgement you've passed on yourself. Let yourself be "boring" sometimes if that's what it takes. If you want to be interesting in a positive way then try sharing your hobbies. We all have ponies in common here. You could try striking a conversation about that. If you feel ignored, poke me or FlamingPanda or whine (a little) even! That would still be better than self-deprecating.
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@pony I can't exactly just say I'm sad because I'll just be shunned with the "oh, it's that loser again he's just complaining for attention he's not actually sad" attitude people have around here. And people will not talk to me if I'm boring. And I can't whine because people will chastise me for it. I can't talk about my hobbies because I'm the most boring person in the world and I don't have any hobbies other than complaining on the Internet for hours on end. Finally, nothing I say will do anything because people will choose not to respond to anything I say for the sole reason that I'm me. And they hate me. Basically the best thing I can do is just shut up forever and I can't even do that because the anger and sadness will just boil up inside me until I finally can't take it and I finally put the half-finished bottle of Crown Royal and container of Ritalin I have in my room to use. And I would prefer not to do that.
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@pony @yodelerty on that note, if you'd like to talk about what events led you to feel angry, sad, or worthless you're welcome to speak your mind, so long as you'll actually accept our comfort and friendship at some level. If you can't bring yourself to do that, then maybe try listening to music, reading, writing, etc.
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@yodelerty You have people telling you directly and clearly that they'll give you attention and friendship, yet you're complaining that you don't have friends. I don't get what's going on inside your brain.
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@pony I have people telling me that? Where?
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@yodelerty There are conditions, such as, please stop self-deprecating, but I'm one. Flamingpanda just said he considered you a friend. Those are the two I was thinking of just now.
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@pony Don't take this the wrong way but I have serious trouble believing the ability of people to commit to being my friend. Because this is the me you're going to get. There's no one else. And I don't think you guys really want that.
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@snowcone Sort of. We barely talk though.
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@yodelerty You're right that I don't want to spend a lot of time talking to somepony who self-deprecates. I'd be fine though if you'd simply describe how you're feeling and tell me about your day/week/year/life
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