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@pony @widget Okay. So I'm going to do my best to not die until I try to get my anxiety sorted out. I think that's my main culprit in my need for suicide. I'm going to try that before I try to kill myself. Again. xD
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:03:49 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen well thats good i find dying leads to a lack of ponies
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:04:58 UTC from web-
@chono actually, when I was wanting to kill myself, ponies made it worse because they made me feel more retarded
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:07:55 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen well dam bro. now i feel like i shoulda keep me drunk mounth shut
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:09:04 UTC from web-
@chono it's okay
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:11:25 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen hey have you ever cooked an egg in a basket?
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:12:34 UTC from web-
@chono only when that basket is in a igloo
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:13:56 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen oh well its really yummy what ya do is melt some butter in a frying pan then grab a slice of read and slice a hole in the middle of it then ya pop the bread onto the frtying pan then you crack the egg in the hole then you fry them up and flip after the egg firms up
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:15:23 UTC from web-
@chono Ooo I might try that tomorrow for breakfast. :D
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:16:22 UTC from web-
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:17:54 UTC from web
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@chono sounds tasty
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:22:20 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen @pony iknow right i ate some today and now i want more
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:24:01 UTC from web-
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:32:09 UTC from web
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Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:22:32 UTC from web
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@renovatedkitchen Eep, good luck with that. ._. /hug
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:07:54 UTC from web-
@tara thanks. Im kinda really happy about this, if it will work as I have in mind. And I've rarely been happy lately. So this is nice.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:08:51 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen You know, I'm a very good listener. Thanks to my mom's medication (or at least we think that's the culprit) my mom has had suicidal tendencies. But what always makes her feel better is to rant at me and get everything out while I just sit and listen. So if you ever really wanna talk about something to get something off your chest, I'm your girl! Early warning though, I'm just good at listening. Not so good at giving advice. ;3 Although I do think you should see a therapist to talk about your problems if you've truly considered suicide. They are the professionals.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:12:58 UTC from web-
@tara thank you. I have me a great listener at the moment though. I appreciate your concern very so much. Most of all, I hope your mother gets better very soon. I too am a great listener when someone needs something. Or, i try to be. I don't like giving advice incase it backfires though. I've made an attempt at suicide by overdosing, which failed. I've had many other times when I was about to kill myself, but that was the only time I actually went through with it, so that's all I count as valid. Last two days I've been sitting on the fence of suicide, even filled a bottle with antifreeze and put it under my bed. But now I have some hope, so I'm glad for that.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:18:06 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen about that suicide thing. Why?
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:19:23 UTC from web-
@abigpony because I deeply hate myself, can't deal with the many problems I have, and I have mental problems, main two confirmed, are anxiety and OCD. Both very extreme
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:23:52 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen diagnosed by doctors? I had anxiety pretty bad and even then it could always be worse. Even with those, you're pretty well off. Why hate yourself when you're in a good enough position where you can live life so well? What's so bad in your life that you feel you're worse off than everyone else in the world who deals with it?
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:27:50 UTC from web-
@abigpony the OCD, yes. Anxiety, well, if I can't eat spaghetti, or drink a lot of water without freaking out, I'd say that's anxiety. I've been like that since I was little. And to answer that last bit,y brain hates me, and I'm afraid that I will hurt someone badly, so I would rather die than hurt them
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:30:50 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Whoa, wait, what? What's there to worry about with those? and your brain hurts you? That seems like something a doctor should check out, not something to contribute to a mental state that you seem to have just recently fallen into.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:33:47 UTC from web-
@abigpony guess that's just how anxiety is. And I get brain pains, and manic episodes. So like one moment, I will be super depressed, and the other, I will be so happy its amazing.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:37:05 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen That sounds like bipolarism, something you should now get checked by the doctor. Brain pains may come from constant brain activity, a side effect of anxiety that should not be effecting you if your mind is occupied, such as now. Also, do you have Itironophobia because that would be weird.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:39:54 UTC from web-
@abigpony it is like bipolarism, but the episodes last a longer time, rather than switch within a day. Unless I'm mistaken, it's also more severe, or can be.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:43:29 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen bipolarism can last any amount of time practically, it's just sudden and extreme shifts.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:44:53 UTC from web-
@abigpony er, mania is the one thats supposed to be like: eek! I'm so happy, I could loose my house and that's cool --> okay. I understand, I know I have to die brain, stop talking to me!! Stop!!! Or, that's at least how I understood it, and seems to match closer to me
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:48:37 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen sounds like you aren't even that deep in it.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:50:54 UTC from web-
@abigpony maybe. I hope I'm not. Wether it be different personalities or crazy mood swings, I still want to find out.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:52:21 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen but seriously, you seem like you're living a fine life and you have been fine before this, but things like this then your spontaneous self-diagnoses to explain it is just something I can't really help with
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:54:53 UTC from web-
@abigpony meh. I've usually been a depressed kid. I have one failed suicide attempt under my belt. I usually wish it didn't fail. I'm going to see a doctor/psychiatrist so I don't have to reply on self diagnosis.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:57:15 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen most of my friends have attempted suicide and I've talked more than a dozen out of it and only one that i can remember actually had depression or severe enough anxiety to call for it. Until you or most of these other bronies get diagnoses, I'm going to assume you're all self-diagnosed fakes who are that way because of the society you were raised in finally catching up to you.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:01:40 UTC from web-
@abigpony self-diagnosers are idiots, end of statement
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:03:08 UTC from web -
@abigpony Should I fax mine over, or will a photo of my medication suffice?
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:03:09 UTC from web-
@ceruleanspark We've established that you are and you're responsible in taking care of it, but seeing so many self-diagnoses in the fandom and relating them to the ones I've seen in real life is ridiculous, especially when i can't even help the bronies because they tend to be so much moreirrationaly than anyone else I've ever talked to.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:05:05 UTC from web
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@abigpony >_> Umm... I'll just say that I was diagnosed and I have nearly killed myself twice.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:04:24 UTC from web-
@alptraummond how's that work out for you? got medication or anything?
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:09:50 UTC from web-
@abigpony Yep. I'm on an antidepressant, an antidepressant booster, and a benzodiazepine for anxiety.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:13:07 UTC from web
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@abigpony The only thing i've self-diagnosed was being unusually angry when someone would use "like" as every other word.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:04:26 UTC from web-
@wafers I had that in middle school. got used to it living in Cali and all. I think the only thing I've self-diagnosed is being a compulsive liar.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:09:16 UTC from web-
@abigpony it just really, really annoys me even though i am guilty of it on occasion, but when people use it a least 8 times in one sentence, i rage. Also guilty of being a complusive liar
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:11:51 UTC from web-
@wafers I'm, like, kind of, like, guilty of, like, doing, like, that and, like, stuff like that, it's, like, a habit of mine.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:14:29 UTC from web-
@redenchilada You're dead to me
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:15:07 UTC from web-
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:15:29 UTC from web
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@abigpony I suppose. Still doesn't deny my previous attempt. Or the fact that I have a bottle of antifreeze under my bed. If I want to talk with someone, I can call, email or text someone. I don't need to fake a suicide. Either way. I'm not a social person. But, on the plus, I'm going in for help. So thats a plus for me :)
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:04:56 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Whatever. I had a friend. he had mild anxiety or something... and he attempted suicide 2 or 3 times before he realized how stupid it was. Before he got a brain and realized there's no point in it. There's always worse. There's always people with real problems who are all around you, and no matter what you do, it doesn't fix anything to try.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:07:58 UTC from web
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@abigpony attempts as in they are about to, or they did something and survived some how
Monday, 30-Jul-12 10:11:41 UTC from StatusNet iPhone
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@renovatedkitchen You can't eat spaghetti? How horrifying. D: (Butt seriously, rant on the internet if it helps. I've been able to dilute a lot of bad emotions by typing out a long-winded rant on how much something/someone/I suck(s) and just saving it to my hard drive or something.)
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:33:52 UTC from web-
@redenchilada lol. Thank you red. You're a very good enchilada (not sure if human due to kindness). It would seem I have a spur of hope. In the morning, er, evening, I will make an appointment to score some things for anxiety. And I know, eh? I can't eat regular chicken, and I worry when I eat spaghetti.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:40:32 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Y'know, I used to be a _very_ grumpy kid. Never got along with anyone, picked fights with everyone, generally wished I was dead. Never wanna go through with that again. :s
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:43:47 UTC from web-
@redenchilada One reason why i love playing very violent video games. All the rage quelling fun but without the legal troubles.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:45:20 UTC from web-
@wafers Honestly, I found finding a different group of people and loosening up around them really helped that.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:48:30 UTC from web-
@redenchilada eh, i only seem to not be grumpy or angry while playing something really violent or watching ponies. I just get mad at my friends easily.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:50:15 UTC from web
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@redenchilada Awww. I'm sorry red. It's very nice to be on the happy side of things. That feeling of wanting to be dead is a horrible thing. I would rather I have to have it than anyone else. I hate seeing other people suffer. You seem like a very nice person to me.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:46:49 UTC from StatusNet iPhone
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@renovatedkitchen Normally, I try my best to not give advice, buuuut right now I can't resist. Something that you can try is finding something that not only makes you happy, but distracts you from your thoughts. Like video games or books. Back when I went to middle school and it seemed my life was hell on a daily basis (family life + school life + health problems that people thought I was faking), what really helped me get through it was playing an addicting video game (MMOS and RPGs tend to be the most addicting for people) or by finding an awesome book to be read. They also gave me something to look forward to everyday. c:
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:24:07 UTC from web-
@tara I sometimes like playing games, but very rarely. I loved working on my car, but I'm stuck at one point and I'm pretty hopeless.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:26:24 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen Then you've gotta look for a new hobby! Having something to look forward to is the best cure in my opinion. Because even if you've had a really bad day, at least you have that one thing to get excited about, you know?
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:29:49 UTC from web-
@tara I know. I'm on the verge of getting that one part in on the car. I've spent about 16,000 Canadian on it now. So I can't just let it sit
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:35:38 UTC from StatusNet iPhone
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@renovatedkitchen ( CC: @Noirbatch ) Yeah. Anxiety can be overwhelming. In the recent past it drove me to want to abandon everything. I'm really glad you've decided to give life another shot.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:16:23 UTC from web-
@pony why the cc? And yeah. My anxiety literally is so bad, that I if I drink more than 2 glasses of water, I will start freaking out (inside my mind, as I keep it all inside to not look like a fool) thinking that I have diluted my blood, and it will cause me to die a slow death, drown, stop my small intestine from absorbing nutrients, or many other silly things like that.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:21:43 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen CCed cuz noir was telling me he was worried about you too. You're very cared about apparently. ^_^ Have you tried researching stuff like that to get a better handle on the fear? It takes TONS of water to get water poisoning, "Water intoxication can be prevented if a person's intake of water does not grossly exceed his or her losses. Healthy kidneys are able to excrete approximately 1 litre of fluid water (0.26 gallons) per hour. However, stress (from prolonged physical exertion), as well as disease states, can greatly reduce this amount." That means you could drink about 24 liters of water per day, and, as long as you also replenish your electrolytes adequately, you'll be healthy as a horse.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:29:23 UTC from web-
@pony yeah. Apparently. I sometimes will open a search page and read about that. I know I won't, but I can't control it. I've been like that since I was very young. Even on my way to work, I will go into the right lane sometimes and be ready to park on a side street incase I pass out, because my vision gets hazy
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:34:29 UTC from StatusNet iPhone-
@renovatedkitchen I gotcha. That is difficult.. I used to experience mild OCD. Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and meditation has helped me a lot.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:39:13 UTC from web-
@pony Mhm. OCD can be very bad. Sometimes it brings out heavy violence in me. That's always bad.
Monday, 30-Jul-12 09:42:22 UTC from StatusNet iPhone
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