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I think it says a lot about me that I can't even decide which way would be the best way to end my life. Pills? I've got two months worth of high strength antidepressants. I imagine that that much neurotransmitter surpressant would do me no good at all, but it's too slow. Someone could interfere. Slit my wrists? I've got the knife right here. I was gonna do it yesterday but then I chickened out. Jump off/under something? It doesn't seem fair to whoever has to clean up, or the driver of whatever vehicle I use. Hanging? My office has a nice oak beam, but I'd have to buy a rope and I'm kiwity at tying knots. I can't get a gun, and modern cars are too safe for me to just run mine into something. Self immolation appeals to me on an intellectual level but I bet it hurts like a mangoes. Suffocation? It's thorough and comparatively painless, but what could I actually do it with? My car is too environmentally friendly to gas me and my cooker is electric.
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@ceruleanspark None of them are a good way to do it. You're such a good person and I can't stop thinking about how uch of a waste it would be if you bucked the bucket...
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@ceruleanspark You've got to get out of there, cerulean. You know this shouldn't be how it is. You know NOTHING should be worth feeling this badly. PLEASE...
Thursday, 13-Oct-11 09:30:17 UTC from web-
@ceruleanspark I will reiterate: NOTHING is worth going down this alley. I have been there too. However impractical the alternative is at the moment... you gotta save yourself. That is what people will care about most of all at the end of the day.
Thursday, 13-Oct-11 09:33:31 UTC from web
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@ceruleanspark None of them sound right because none of them ARE right. You've got a whole lot of options that don't involve maiming yourself in some way or another. Just like you said earlier finding another job is an option. We're here willing to talk things through, but you need to look deeper and really see what options you've got going for you. I definitely wouldn't want to see you leave. And I'm certain that a whole darned lot of us definitely wouldn't want things to escalate that far. We're the !cia and we do this because we care about you.
Thursday, 13-Oct-11 09:31:10 UTC from web -
@ceruleanspark I think it says, in part, that you don't *really* want to do it. It's not that you chickened out, you decided better. I wish there was something more I could do to help you out. Please just hang in there. There are plenty of people who love you and don't want to see you do this.
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@ceruleanspark Your perception of suicide is flawed. Most who commit suicide do not think about committing suicide, they just do it. No rhyme or reason to it, it's just done. You've also hesitated at the perfect moment to commit suicide, that shows me you still have the will to live even if it is relatively low. I believe you need to instead ask yourself this question: Is it worth it? It might end any pain that is, at best, TEMPORARY, but it also ends your consciousness, your intelligence, your BEING. You know what happens after that last breath? Neither do i, and quite frankly it scares the hell out of me what could be after. It could be heaven, it could be damnation.... it could be nothing.... my existence fading? no thanks. Take into consideration these words and the joyous moments you'd lose all because of some issues that have the potential to be resolved. Life is how YOU make it. Take the bigger step and live... do it for the Mane6... do it for Equestria.
Thursday, 13-Oct-11 09:40:22 UTC from web -
@rotation It's funny because she was actually calling me when you sent that.
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@ceruleanspark Did you speak to her?
Thursday, 13-Oct-11 09:44:22 UTC from web
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