Conversation
Notices
-
Yo I haven't said anything about hating myself all day I'm so proud almost
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:20:18 UTC from web-
@yodelerty So that's where all these negative thoughts I've been having came from
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:21:10 UTC from web-
@redenchilada I still have the hateful thoughts in my head but they're staying there. Or I'm being hateful towards other people more than myself. Oops.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:22:47 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Who'd I get these ones from then
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:24:16 UTC from web-
@redenchilada *waves*
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:25:12 UTC from web-
@awlderpy You can have them back
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:25:43 UTC from web-
@redenchilada They spewed out of my head from being overfull
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:26:44 UTC from web
-
-
-
@redenchilada Idk maybe we're sharing negative thoughts sorry
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:25:18 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:21:50 UTC from web
-
@awlderpy I'm da bes
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:22:59 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:23:44 UTC from web
-
@awlderpy That song gets me going. Smiling.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:24:29 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:25:32 UTC from web
-
@awlderpy South Park. I never saw Scarface.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:25:56 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:27:11 UTC from web
-
@awlderpy BATDAD
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:27:29 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:28:22 UTC from web
-
@awlderpy I thought this was America!
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:29:31 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:31:15 UTC from web
-
@awlderpy I need to rewatch that episode. I forget like every quote.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:32:08 UTC from web-
@yodelerty I haven't seen South Park in the longest time, too busy camping and sleeping I guess.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:33:59 UTC from web-
@awlderpy Sleeping? Tell me more.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:34:53 UTC from web-
@yodelerty It's not going great but it's better than being awake every papayasing hour feeling like I'm dying. Maybe 3-4 hours before I wake up, on average?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:36:26 UTC from web-
@awlderpy That's... better. What's caused the change? Medication or just luck perhaps?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:37:17 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Melatonin supplements, meditation, exercising more. I don't have the highest expectations of it lasting.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:39:18 UTC from web-
@awlderpy It might. If it were just the supplements I'd agree with you but you never know.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:41:13 UTC from web-
@yodelerty When it comes to sleep, I won't risk just trying one thing. This gets way too bad sometimes.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:43:18 UTC from web-
@awlderpy I can only imagine. Glad you're improving a little though. It's nice to see.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:43:53 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Well when God opens a window He can close a door. I've had other issues, hopefully it's behind me as well, for now.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:45:04 UTC from web-
@awlderpy That would be lovely. Being able to leave your problems in the dust is most satisfying. Or so I've been told.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:47:03 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Not sure I've even done it yet but you'll get there, with help or without it. It's different for everyone I suppose.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:49:28 UTC from web-
@awlderpy Problems are so parasitic though. They just eat away at you until you're not even you anymore. You're broken and beaten and too weak to even try to crack a smile.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:53:04 UTC from web-
@yodelerty That's not necessarily true, you know.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:54:05 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet Depends on the problem, really. But yeah. It's on a case-by-case basis.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:54:35 UTC from web-
@yodelerty No, it doesn't. It only depends on the outlook you possess.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:55:25 UTC from web
-
-
-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:54:33 UTC from web
-
@awlderpy Just like what I do! Yeah! Fun times!
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:54:55 UTC from web-
@yodelerty I do that less and less but once in a while. All one can do is keep trying to improve, I suppose.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:56:11 UTC from web-
@awlderpy I seem to be doing it more and more. Dunno why. Everything makes me angry for some reason. It's weird.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:56:50 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Might need to find something to calm you down in a more definitive state, man. Wish I could help.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:58:40 UTC from web-
@awlderpy It's weird that I was off this website for 12 days and not once was I angry at a single person. And then I came on and the rage came back. I never learn.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:00:45 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
-
-
@yodelerty It all depends upon your outlook on life and everything in it, really.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:54:47 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet My outlook is hazy at best
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:55:18 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Then you have diagnosed your own problem, wouldn't you say?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:56:17 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I'm pretty sure my problem is something that involves me having to take antidepressants to suppress the urge to kill myself
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:58:54 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Why would you want to kill yourself, though? We like you here.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:00:20 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet Because my existence is not beneficial to myself or anyone, really, and there's really no point in being alive anymore. But it might get better? I guess? Maybe that's the lie I use to keep myself on this earth for whatever reason.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:02:10 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Your existence is absolutely beneficial to yourself...obviously, to learn and experience greater things...and why do you not feel there's any point in being alive?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:05:04 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet Because I'm broken. I don't know how to be a real person. I hate everything about myself. The way I act, the way I go from day to day accomplishing nothing and watching others flourish. I exist for no reason to make others angry or sad or confused. Nothing good comes out of me being here.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:10:31 UTC from web-
@yodelerty As much as you would disagree, you are wrong. You enrich people's lives. You judge yourself way too harshly and you are every bit as much of a "real person" as any of us are...There's no reason to hate yourself. You will always be - and indeed - were born as who you are, so why not learn to accept yourself and move on? You will have to live with yourself for the rest of your life, and I GUARANTEE you you're not the worst person on the planet...so...feel good about who you are. :)
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:13:56 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I don't want to feel good about who I am. Then I wouldn't feel a need to improve. Not that I do anyway.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:15:22 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Feeling good about who you are doesn't necessarily mean that you should feel the need to improve. Rather, you should accept yourself for who you are, and all your faults, and move forward in a way that benefits yourself and all humanity, since you seem to be capable of that.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:17:11 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I'll accept myself when there's something worth accepting. Right now I'm just an arrogant, lazy man with nothing to live for! :D
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:19:11 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Feeling sorry for yourself won't help. And this attitude only pushes people away from you.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:21:05 UTC from web-
@hoit And yet the attitude remains. Sigh.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:21:48 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:37:02 UTC from web
-
@hoit I don't know. I know I said I'd join tonight..
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:40:39 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:21:11 UTC from web
-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:22:00 UTC from web
-
@pony ar·ro·gant
ˈarəgənt/Submit
adjective
1.
having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:23:38 UTC from web-
@rarity self hate shares that definition often I feel, though it simply masks itself in how it is expressed outwardly. Self hate still assumes that the individual is important enough to hate or look down upon for whatever reason. And, when self hate is manifest outwardly through getting down on one's self publicly, it's a lot like bragging in that it asks for attention by comparing the braggart/self-depricator to others
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:29:50 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:32:01 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
@rarity Perhaps I misunderstand the definition of arrogant. I'm going to replace that with "I'm an ass".
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:22:13 UTC from web
-
-
@yodelerty You're judging yourself extra-harshly based on your own personal views of yourself. It's unfair to you...and I assure you that us here at RDN don't share those views.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:22:08 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet Maybe not you. But I'm sure some people do.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:22:35 UTC from web-
@yodelerty And !@#% what those people think. Amirite?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:23:21 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I wish I could. They seem to agree with me about myself though.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:25:05 UTC from web-
@yodelerty C'mon, bro. Why blindly agree with what some uncultured assheads feel about you? You're in a chat about technicolor ponies. Who !@#%ing cares what people feel about you. Be who you are and enjoy what you like. You already have gathered 3 or 4 legit supporters in just the last 30 minutes here...That should say something to you, I think.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:28:22 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet This is who I am apparently. Just a guy who whines on a rainbow pony site. I don't want to be me.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:30:07 UTC from web-
@yodelerty I appreciate what you do and I'm here to tell you that I'm the same way...I've spent the entire last week (and probably a couple more days to come) drinking and coming in here to make ponefriends for like 8+ hours at a time. Do you think you're the only person who feels they're "inadequate"? That's selfish. We're all friends here and supportive of this hobby we all share.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:32:27 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet ...I guess you're right. I'm gonna stop complaining. For now. I like you. You're cool.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:37:06 UTC from web-
@yodelerty :D You're cool, too. *hugs you* And welcome to the chat.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:37:58 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet *hugs* I should be welcoming you, I think. You're fairly new to the site.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:40:56 UTC from web-
@yodelerty So I assume you've been here for a long time then?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:43:33 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I joined in July 2011, yes. I'm an old man but certainly not the oldest.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:44:15 UTC from web-
@yodelerty How old are ya? I'm nearly 28, for reference.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:45:18 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet 21, but I meant old as in in terms of time on the site. :P
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:46:08 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Pssssssshhhhhhhh. DON'T CALL YOURSELF OLD unless you're old. You silly. I've been on the internet since 1999 and it's all relative.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:47:40 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet Man, I'm a young man. And here I thought I was ancient. (Not really)
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:50:29 UTC from web-
@yodelerty I started talking on chats when I was like 15 or something. That's been like 12 years ago...and I'm still as "useless" now as I was then. XD No big deal. Don't feel too bad, brah.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:52:25 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet Now I feel bad for feeling bad. Ugh. The cyle.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:54:12 UTC from web-
@yodelerty *cycle.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:54:17 UTC from web -
@yodelerty DON'T FEEL BAD AT ALL. I'm trying to help you feel BETTER by presenting some facts. :P
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:07:54 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I'm sure you're not "useless" though. You do the art, I presume.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:11:39 UTC from web-
@yodelerty You obviously don't know how "conventionally useless" art is, if you can say something like that. I make ZERO money from my works...I'm in the process of getting a day job where I can make the money to support my self-expression.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:13:34 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet Art inspires the mind. More than what I do.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:16:05 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Comparing yourself to people like me is never going to help you. YOU. ARE. NOT. ME. You are you. What I do does not - and will never - impact who you are. No big deal.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:17:26 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I can't help but compare myself to others. "Whoa, that guy can play like 10 songs on his bass and he's 18? Damn, I can't even play 2 and I'm 21 I suck what the hell"
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:18:50 UTC from web-
@yodelerty That's a very bad and incorrect outlook to have on life, though...I may have a predisposition for certain talents that you do not due to the way I was raised/not raised and the experiences I've had throughout my entire life. How could you ever expect to compare yourself with something like that? It's incredibly unrealistic unless you spent a good decade or more trying to learn my artform yourself, which would eventually yield quality results with enough effort. Nothing is free, bro. I spent my childhood devoid of most human contact to be as good at art as I am now. I had very specific direction that led me to be who I am today. You aren't that and it's unfair to compare yourself to it.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:22:25 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet It's too bad the way I was raised didn't spark any interests. Like, my interests are playing video games and chatting on the internet.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:23:57 UTC from web-
@yodelerty I never suggested the way you were raised didn't spark any interests. I know, from sitting here typing to you right now, that you have passions. Videogaming or not, they're PASSIONS. You only need to tap into those passions and find what you want to provide the world in your own way. It won't be my way...and it won't be @nerthos way...and it won't be @awlderpy's way. It will just be your way. And no matter how long it takes you to find it, you WILL find it. Or, perhaps, develop it as a skill set that you may not currently possess. It's all in what you want out of life and what *YOU'RE WILLING* to pursue and achieve.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:26:44 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I'm willing to pursue some things I'm sure but I don't even have a grasp of what I actually like to do. What I want out of life is to be happy but that's so damn broad I don't even know.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:34:39 UTC from web-
@yodelerty TONS of people your age don't know what they want out of life. Man people in here don't, either. Guaranteed. Hell, that's why some of us are even here, conversing. I know people who are 50+ who still don't know what they want out of life. You're not doing a bad job, bro. Just keep on thinking about it and DON'T put yourself down for not knowing.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:36:36 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I just sort of thought I'd know what sort of interests I'd have at this point.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:38:24 UTC from web-
@yodelerty You are led by the system and certain self-confident folks to believe that you are supposed to be well on your way to becoming a self-made millionaire by age 22. This is just not the case for most of our country's people. Adding the societal pressure on top of the silly expectation just causes further harm to minds like yours. IT. IS. PERFECTLY. FINE. to not know what you want to do at your age. You have so much time and so many options to figure that out...All you need to do is...choose.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:41:28 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I know too little about myself to choose now but I guess I have time. I don't like not knowing though.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:45:15 UTC from web-
@yodelerty It's okay not to know, though! It's perfectly acceptable. You just keep comparing yourself to these other seemingly successful people and making unrealistic expectations for yourself. Don't do that. Stay on your path and figure out what YOU want, WHEN AND WHERE you want it. :D
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:47:12 UTC from web-
@clayinthecarpet I guess you're right. Thanks.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:52:53 UTC from web-
@yodelerty :D *hugs*...You're not useless, I promise!
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:56:08 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
@yodelerty What is this?! Hey now, don't you ever compare yourself to anyone. We're all unique but in the same form of a human. Don't be bogged with the idea someone is better than you. Of course they're better but you on the other hand has a chance to be better if you dare to start now. Age? Age and time is made up, just keep in mind you can try anything and pursue to do your own medium.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:26:56 UTC from web-
@beatstrings I don't even know what I want to do, though. I'm just lost.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:36:53 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Walk, you'll meet a few people, observe some ideas, keep looking in the horizon and calm yourself. Look beyond things with your perspective. I'm not telling you to do this EXACTLY but please do try. Keep walking, you'll see your potential and maybe wield it better than anyone else. As far as I'm concerned, you can do this ANYTIME you want. Cheers!
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:39:47 UTC from web-
@beatstrings People are scary and they judge. I'm scared to meet people. I prefer to just observe them from afar.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:43:14 UTC from web-
@yodelerty It's fine. You met me for quite a while and I don't ever dare to think of judging anyone. I'm not saying I'm clean with conscience, I'm aware in some times. But, point being I'm this person talking to you mean to say there are many who are like me, and maybe for a span of 30 seconds meeting them by accident will eventually the best friend will have forever.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:46:24 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:46:01 UTC from web
-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:47:23 UTC from web
-
@redenchilada I could always use my @NiCr0w account and then I would have the lowest
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:48:38 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:50:07 UTC from web
-
@redenchilada far far away as is tradition
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:51:05 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
@rarity You're ironically being beaten by yourself @nicr
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:48:06 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:48:15 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
@yodelerty You need a coping mechanism. Something to take your mind off of how terrible you believe yourself to be.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:36:32 UTC from web-
@redenchilada You're so right. I just need to figure out something. No idea where to start though.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:40:18 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Pick something you like that demands constant attention for long periods of time. I'm a fan of web development for small-to-medium community-oriented websites, personally. Makes me get things done relatively promptly and fixed when I break them, but doesn't steal away all of my time and I benefit from it. Find something of your own that gives you some purpose.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:46:42 UTC from web-
@redenchilada But I'm not good at anything.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:50:49 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:51:50 UTC from web
-
@redenchilada You'd think so but I'm really not. Ask anyone.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:52:56 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Then become good at something.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:56:04 UTC from web-
@redenchilada But what if I have no interests
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 05:59:24 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Then stop telling yourself you have no interests and think of something you'd like to do.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:01:20 UTC from web-
@redenchilada I'd like to be able to sing well. That's literally all I can think of and I can mostly practice that passively. And I do.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:03:13 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Practice it aggressively. Go find some karaoke bars where nobody knows you and make an idiot of yourself on the mic. Or something.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:04:47 UTC from web-
@redenchilada But I'll have a panic attack.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:07:58 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Is that... an excuse I'm seeing?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:09:16 UTC from web-
@redenchilada ...No. But I get severe anxiety when a bunch of people are staring at me. Unless I already know that they think I'm cool or something.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:13:38 UTC from web-
@yodelerty That's why you're going to the karaoke bars. When everyone's drunk, they'll automatically think the guy singing is cool. They might be too drunk to remember how cool you were, though.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:16:00 UTC from web-
@redenchilada But what if they're not drunk?! WHAT THEN RED.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:17:29 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Then you buy them a beer and they think you're the coolest. Or a homo. It's a gamble, teally.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:18:23 UTC from web-
@nerthos *really
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:18:37 UTC from web -
@nerthos I'm cool with either
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:20:04 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Then it's a win-win
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:21:11 UTC from web
-
-
-
@yodelerty Then they'll be too busy being not drunk to pay attention to you. They'll be reading their phones or something boring like that.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:18:25 UTC from web-
@redenchilada Have you ever been to a bar
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:20:21 UTC from web-
@yodelerty No but what kind of idiot would be sober at one
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:24:17 UTC from web-
@redenchilada Me once
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:24:58 UTC from web-
@yodelerty Fair enough, then. Okay, forget the karaoke bars. Get some folks together and start a band instead.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:28:39 UTC from web-
@redenchilada Dunn and Dunn.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:37:01 UTC from web-
@yodelerty I await the EP release with bated breath..
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:38:09 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
@redenchilada The losers who are designated drivers
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:25:08 UTC from web-
@awlderpy A moment of silence for designated drivers, please.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:26:09 UTC from web-
@redenchilada They'll have their fun when they remind the drunk losers of all the stupid dole they did last night
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:27:46 UTC from web-
@awlderpy Is that really worth being the boring sober guy at the bar, though? :'(
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:29:34 UTC from web-
@redenchilada Trade-off, man
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:30:18 UTC from web -
@redenchilada It totally is. If you hang around with your friends while they're drunk you'll have all the embarassing stories to poke fun at them.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:30:58 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
-
@redenchilada Guys who go there to play cards with their friends and don't drink enough to get drunk because then they'd lose at cards
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:25:25 UTC from web-
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:26:38 UTC from web
-
@redenchilada Yep.
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:27:46 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
@yodelerty Damn. Just look at all these people who care about your well-being in here. Not just me, but numerous folks. People who don't know you from a hole in the ground...but they even feel, from what they know, that you're a cool person. What does that say to you?
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 06:12:15 UTC from web
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
