Conversation

Notices

  1. Jude $Dashie$ Swan Jude $Dashie$ Swan

    ohai

    Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:01:32 UTC from web
    1. derpyshy / chem derpyshy / chem

      @cadenceloverkid Ihei!

      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:01:56 UTC from web
    2. Barton Flank Barton Flank

      @cadenceloverkid Hay there! ...don't think we've been acquainted. hows tricks?

      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:06:07 UTC from web
      1. Jude $Dashie$ Swan Jude $Dashie$ Swan

        @pawnheart who?i have BSOD.How am i here?

        Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:07:37 UTC from web
        1. Barton Flank Barton Flank

          @cadenceloverkid ...BSOD? Oh, and I just meant 'how are you'?

          Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:11:08 UTC from web
          1. Jude $Dashie$ Swan Jude $Dashie$ Swan

            @pawnheart there is a lost episode of mlp thats scary... but im fine.

            Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:12:56 UTC from web
            1. Barton Flank Barton Flank

              @cadenceloverkid Ah good! ... lost episode?

              Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:14:17 UTC from web
            2. lyrica lyrica

              @cadenceloverkid lost ep?

              Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:14:59 UTC from StatusNet Android
              1. Jude $Dashie$ Swan Jude $Dashie$ Swan

                @lyrica @pawnheart yes... it became a creepypasta.. the episode is called "friendship is dead". info here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6W6PigXSMc

                Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:16:18 UTC from web
                1. lyrica lyrica

                  @cadenceloverkid oh fanwork...

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:17:34 UTC from StatusNet Android
                  1. Jude $Dashie$ Swan Jude $Dashie$ Swan

                    @lyrica @pawnheart @greydragon412 twilight killed pinke pie in this ep.

                    Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:19:17 UTC from web
                2. Barton Flank Barton Flank

                  @cadenceloverkid ...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggght.

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:18:10 UTC from web
    3. The white void The white void

      @greydragon412 I will never understand why you like that thing...

      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:24:08 UTC from web
    4. The white void The white void

      @greydragon412 One of those things I will never watch.

      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:28:36 UTC from web
      1. christian christian

        @hakupony ah yes I see you are on now, mind If I ask a favor of you?

        Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:32:08 UTC from web
        1. The white void The white void

          @cajunbrony23 Yo may ask what you want. if i give it to you is another thing :P

          Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:33:09 UTC from web
          1. christian christian

            @hakupony right, I have some poems that I need some constructive criticism on, would you mind taking a read at them? (look at how I grammar, its horrible :P)

            Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:38:18 UTC from web
            1. The white void The white void

              @cajunbrony23 I can try - but poetry always has been a bit alien to me, so I cant be of help that much.

              Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:39:26 UTC from web
              1. christian christian

                @hakupony well any criticism would be appreciated http://armybrony.deviantart.com/#/d51rjq9 http://armybrony.deviantart.com/#/d51y3zh

                Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:41:32 UTC from web
                1. The white void The white void

                  @cajunbrony23 "She only loves only there suffering, and their pain." I think you want to say "their" there. "she seduces you, making you think she is the only means of living." That is a very strange pacing. The hard thing about poetry is melody and rythm - and your rythm seems random to me here.

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:46:05 UTC from web
                  1. christian christian

                    @hakupony yeah I don't try to rhyme in my poems, since not all poems have to rhyme, but still I appreciate the critesizem

                    Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:48:28 UTC from web
                    1. The white void The white void

                      @cajunbrony23 I wasn't talking about rhyming but on rythm. If you write poems, it makes a difference when exactly lines end. I fail to see what you express by the way you use that tool.

                      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:51:54 UTC from web
                      1. christian christian

                        @hakupony oh, I see what you mean. ok I'll keep that in mind when writing poems from this point on

                        Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:54:12 UTC from web
                2. The white void The white void

                  @cajunbrony23 "As she seduces you, she toys with your mind. Bending and twisting it. She manipulates their minds until it snaps in two." Why do you change from second person to third person? it is confusing and if you don't want to express anything with it, that's not a good thing. "I felt the my world should end" the "the" seems wrong here. You could write "the world", "world", "my world" or "that my world".

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:49:17 UTC from web
                3. The white void The white void

                  @cajunbrony23 To make things short: "Sadness" seems more like "the femme fatale" to me. I could not feel how much her actions hurt. Also, you don't seem to use the medium at it's full potential. Now to the good things: I like how you left open if you are talking about an actual woman or just the anthromorpication of sadness.

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:56:47 UTC from web
                  1. christian christian

                    @hakupony ok thank you I'll keep these in mind when writing future poems

                    Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:59:43 UTC from web
                4. The white void The white void

                  @cajunbrony23 I guess, "monters" is a typo. "I am not what they are. They hate and scorn me for it" You start every line with "they" - except the last one. This makes the last sentence to seem wrong. It feels like it was a lie or sarcasm. "And as they stand there laugh at me" why not laughing? "for what I choose to be" A very strong expression. I like that. "They mock me." You already established a strong picture which told just that. In addition, if you cut that sentence, you woul have room to rearrange where the lines end. "And I have no choice but to sit and watch." One thing to you personally: you always have a choice. But it is an impressive picture you use here.

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 14:04:20 UTC from web
                  1. christian christian

                    @hakupony noted, thanks for takeing a look

                    Saturday, 02-Jun-12 14:06:00 UTC from web
                    1. Pony Pony

                      @cajunbrony23 @hakupony is very good at giving constructive feedback. He helped me with my Brony research paper

                      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 14:08:13 UTC from web
                5. The white void The white void

                  @cajunbrony23 The third part just seems a bit odd based on where the lines end. The last part is nearly perfect - the onl thing I could nag about is the "down". In this one, you use the potential of language much better and it is easy to relate on what feelings and thoughts you want to express. Even though I disagree with some of the thingsyou want to express here, you did really well.

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 14:08:58 UTC from web
                  1. christian christian

                    @hakupony thanks alot,

                    Saturday, 02-Jun-12 14:11:09 UTC from web
                    1. The white void The white void

                      @cajunbrony23 You're welcome.

                      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 14:12:00 UTC from web
        2. derpyshy / chem derpyshy / chem

          @cajunbrony23 Hey there, [s]annoying[/s] friend! ^_^

          Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:34:13 UTC from web
          1. christian christian

            @derpyshy oh hi

            Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:41:38 UTC from web
            1. derpyshy / chem derpyshy / chem

              @cajunbrony23 how are you? :3

              Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:42:32 UTC from web
              1. christian christian

                @derpyshy I'm ok, just woke up

                Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:43:28 UTC from web
                1. derpyshy / chem derpyshy / chem

                  @cajunbrony23 Double-chats are awsome ^_^ I woke up at 6AM, but fell asleep again x3

                  Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:44:31 UTC from web
                  1. christian christian

                    @derpyshy lol

                    Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:45:15 UTC from web
                    1. derpyshy / chem derpyshy / chem

                      @cajunbrony23 # :)

                      Saturday, 02-Jun-12 13:46:28 UTC from web