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Yo I haven't said anything about hating myself all day I'm so proud almost
Saturday, 16-Nov-13 04:20:18 UTC from web-
@yodelerty So that's where all these negative thoughts I've been having came from
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@redenchilada I still have the hateful thoughts in my head but they're staying there. Or I'm being hateful towards other people more than myself. Oops.
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@awlderpy I'm da bes
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@yodelerty Who'd I get these ones from then
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@awlderpy That song gets me going. Smiling.
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@redenchilada Idk maybe we're sharing negative thoughts sorry
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@awlderpy You can have them back
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@awlderpy South Park. I never saw Scarface.
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@redenchilada They spewed out of my head from being overfull
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@awlderpy BATDAD
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@awlderpy I thought this was America!
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@awlderpy I need to rewatch that episode. I forget like every quote.
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@yodelerty I haven't seen South Park in the longest time, too busy camping and sleeping I guess.
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@awlderpy Sleeping? Tell me more.
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@yodelerty It's not going great but it's better than being awake every papayasing hour feeling like I'm dying. Maybe 3-4 hours before I wake up, on average?
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@awlderpy That's... better. What's caused the change? Medication or just luck perhaps?
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@yodelerty Melatonin supplements, meditation, exercising more. I don't have the highest expectations of it lasting.
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@awlderpy It might. If it were just the supplements I'd agree with you but you never know.
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@yodelerty When it comes to sleep, I won't risk just trying one thing. This gets way too bad sometimes.
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@awlderpy I can only imagine. Glad you're improving a little though. It's nice to see.
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@yodelerty Well when God opens a window He can close a door. I've had other issues, hopefully it's behind me as well, for now.
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@awlderpy That would be lovely. Being able to leave your problems in the dust is most satisfying. Or so I've been told.
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@yodelerty Not sure I've even done it yet but you'll get there, with help or without it. It's different for everyone I suppose.
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@awlderpy Problems are so parasitic though. They just eat away at you until you're not even you anymore. You're broken and beaten and too weak to even try to crack a smile.
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@yodelerty That's not necessarily true, you know.
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@clayinthecarpet Depends on the problem, really. But yeah. It's on a case-by-case basis.
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@yodelerty It all depends upon your outlook on life and everything in it, really.
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@awlderpy Just like what I do! Yeah! Fun times!
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@clayinthecarpet My outlook is hazy at best
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@yodelerty No, it doesn't. It only depends on the outlook you possess.
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@yodelerty I do that less and less but once in a while. All one can do is keep trying to improve, I suppose.
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@yodelerty Then you have diagnosed your own problem, wouldn't you say?
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@awlderpy I seem to be doing it more and more. Dunno why. Everything makes me angry for some reason. It's weird.
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@yodelerty Might need to find something to calm you down in a more definitive state, man. Wish I could help.
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@clayinthecarpet I'm pretty sure my problem is something that involves me having to take antidepressants to suppress the urge to kill myself
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@yodelerty Why would you want to kill yourself, though? We like you here.
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@awlderpy It's weird that I was off this website for 12 days and not once was I angry at a single person. And then I came on and the rage came back. I never learn.
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@clayinthecarpet Because my existence is not beneficial to myself or anyone, really, and there's really no point in being alive anymore. But it might get better? I guess? Maybe that's the lie I use to keep myself on this earth for whatever reason.
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@yodelerty Your existence is absolutely beneficial to yourself...obviously, to learn and experience greater things...and why do you not feel there's any point in being alive?
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@clayinthecarpet Because I'm broken. I don't know how to be a real person. I hate everything about myself. The way I act, the way I go from day to day accomplishing nothing and watching others flourish. I exist for no reason to make others angry or sad or confused. Nothing good comes out of me being here.
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@yodelerty As much as you would disagree, you are wrong. You enrich people's lives. You judge yourself way too harshly and you are every bit as much of a "real person" as any of us are...There's no reason to hate yourself. You will always be - and indeed - were born as who you are, so why not learn to accept yourself and move on? You will have to live with yourself for the rest of your life, and I GUARANTEE you you're not the worst person on the planet...so...feel good about who you are. :)
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@clayinthecarpet I don't want to feel good about who I am. Then I wouldn't feel a need to improve. Not that I do anyway.
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@yodelerty Feeling good about who you are doesn't necessarily mean that you should feel the need to improve. Rather, you should accept yourself for who you are, and all your faults, and move forward in a way that benefits yourself and all humanity, since you seem to be capable of that.
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@clayinthecarpet I'll accept myself when there's something worth accepting. Right now I'm just an arrogant, lazy man with nothing to live for! :D
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@yodelerty Feeling sorry for yourself won't help. And this attitude only pushes people away from you.
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@hoit And yet the attitude remains. Sigh.
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@yodelerty You're judging yourself extra-harshly based on your own personal views of yourself. It's unfair to you...and I assure you that us here at RDN don't share those views.
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@rarity Perhaps I misunderstand the definition of arrogant. I'm going to replace that with "I'm an ass".
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@clayinthecarpet Maybe not you. But I'm sure some people do.
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@yodelerty And !@#% what those people think. Amirite?
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@pony ar·ro·gant
ˈarəgənt/Submit
adjective
1.
having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities. -
@clayinthecarpet I wish I could. They seem to agree with me about myself though.
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@yodelerty C'mon, bro. Why blindly agree with what some uncultured assheads feel about you? You're in a chat about technicolor ponies. Who !@#%ing cares what people feel about you. Be who you are and enjoy what you like. You already have gathered 3 or 4 legit supporters in just the last 30 minutes here...That should say something to you, I think.
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@rarity self hate shares that definition often I feel, though it simply masks itself in how it is expressed outwardly. Self hate still assumes that the individual is important enough to hate or look down upon for whatever reason. And, when self hate is manifest outwardly through getting down on one's self publicly, it's a lot like bragging in that it asks for attention by comparing the braggart/self-depricator to others
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@clayinthecarpet This is who I am apparently. Just a guy who whines on a rainbow pony site. I don't want to be me.
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@rarity and both arrogance and self hate often deny the very self-importance they assume
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@yodelerty I appreciate what you do and I'm here to tell you that I'm the same way...I've spent the entire last week (and probably a couple more days to come) drinking and coming in here to make ponefriends for like 8+ hours at a time. Do you think you're the only person who feels they're "inadequate"? That's selfish. We're all friends here and supportive of this hobby we all share.
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@yodelerty You need a coping mechanism. Something to take your mind off of how terrible you believe yourself to be.
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@clayinthecarpet ...I guess you're right. I'm gonna stop complaining. For now. I like you. You're cool.
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@yodelerty :D You're cool, too. *hugs you* And welcome to the chat.
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@redenchilada You're so right. I just need to figure out something. No idea where to start though.
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@clayinthecarpet *hugs* I should be welcoming you, I think. You're fairly new to the site.
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@yodelerty So I assume you've been here for a long time then?
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@clayinthecarpet I joined in July 2011, yes. I'm an old man but certainly not the oldest.
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@yodelerty How old are ya? I'm nearly 28, for reference.
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@clayinthecarpet 21, but I meant old as in in terms of time on the site. :P
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@yodelerty Pick something you like that demands constant attention for long periods of time. I'm a fan of web development for small-to-medium community-oriented websites, personally. Makes me get things done relatively promptly and fixed when I break them, but doesn't steal away all of my time and I benefit from it. Find something of your own that gives you some purpose.
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@yodelerty Pssssssshhhhhhhh. DON'T CALL YOURSELF OLD unless you're old. You silly. I've been on the internet since 1999 and it's all relative.
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@rarity You're ironically being beaten by yourself @nicr
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@redenchilada I could always use my @NiCr0w account and then I would have the lowest
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@clayinthecarpet Man, I'm a young man. And here I thought I was ancient. (Not really)
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@redenchilada But I'm not good at anything.
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@redenchilada far far away as is tradition
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@yodelerty I started talking on chats when I was like 15 or something. That's been like 12 years ago...and I'm still as "useless" now as I was then. XD No big deal. Don't feel too bad, brah.
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@redenchilada You'd think so but I'm really not. Ask anyone.
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@clayinthecarpet Now I feel bad for feeling bad. Ugh. The cyle.
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@yodelerty *cycle.
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@yodelerty Then become good at something.
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@redenchilada But what if I have no interests
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@yodelerty Then stop telling yourself you have no interests and think of something you'd like to do.
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@redenchilada I'd like to be able to sing well. That's literally all I can think of and I can mostly practice that passively. And I do.
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@yodelerty Practice it aggressively. Go find some karaoke bars where nobody knows you and make an idiot of yourself on the mic. Or something.
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@yodelerty DON'T FEEL BAD AT ALL. I'm trying to help you feel BETTER by presenting some facts. :P
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@redenchilada But I'll have a panic attack.
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@yodelerty Is that... an excuse I'm seeing?
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@clayinthecarpet I'm sure you're not "useless" though. You do the art, I presume.
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@yodelerty Damn. Just look at all these people who care about your well-being in here. Not just me, but numerous folks. People who don't know you from a hole in the ground...but they even feel, from what they know, that you're a cool person. What does that say to you?
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@yodelerty You obviously don't know how "conventionally useless" art is, if you can say something like that. I make ZERO money from my works...I'm in the process of getting a day job where I can make the money to support my self-expression.
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@redenchilada ...No. But I get severe anxiety when a bunch of people are staring at me. Unless I already know that they think I'm cool or something.
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@yodelerty That's why you're going to the karaoke bars. When everyone's drunk, they'll automatically think the guy singing is cool. They might be too drunk to remember how cool you were, though.
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@clayinthecarpet Art inspires the mind. More than what I do.
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@yodelerty Comparing yourself to people like me is never going to help you. YOU. ARE. NOT. ME. You are you. What I do does not - and will never - impact who you are. No big deal.
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@redenchilada But what if they're not drunk?! WHAT THEN RED.
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@yodelerty Then you buy them a beer and they think you're the coolest. Or a homo. It's a gamble, teally.
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@yodelerty Then they'll be too busy being not drunk to pay attention to you. They'll be reading their phones or something boring like that.
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@nerthos *really
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@clayinthecarpet I can't help but compare myself to others. "Whoa, that guy can play like 10 songs on his bass and he's 18? Damn, I can't even play 2 and I'm 21 I suck what the hell"
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@nerthos I'm cool with either
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@redenchilada Have you ever been to a bar
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@yodelerty Then it's a win-win
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@yodelerty That's a very bad and incorrect outlook to have on life, though...I may have a predisposition for certain talents that you do not due to the way I was raised/not raised and the experiences I've had throughout my entire life. How could you ever expect to compare yourself with something like that? It's incredibly unrealistic unless you spent a good decade or more trying to learn my artform yourself, which would eventually yield quality results with enough effort. Nothing is free, bro. I spent my childhood devoid of most human contact to be as good at art as I am now. I had very specific direction that led me to be who I am today. You aren't that and it's unfair to compare yourself to it.
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@clayinthecarpet It's too bad the way I was raised didn't spark any interests. Like, my interests are playing video games and chatting on the internet.
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@yodelerty No but what kind of idiot would be sober at one
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@redenchilada The losers who are designated drivers
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@redenchilada Guys who go there to play cards with their friends and don't drink enough to get drunk because then they'd lose at cards
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@awlderpy A moment of silence for designated drivers, please.
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@yodelerty I never suggested the way you were raised didn't spark any interests. I know, from sitting here typing to you right now, that you have passions. Videogaming or not, they're PASSIONS. You only need to tap into those passions and find what you want to provide the world in your own way. It won't be my way...and it won't be @nerthos way...and it won't be @awlderpy's way. It will just be your way. And no matter how long it takes you to find it, you WILL find it. Or, perhaps, develop it as a skill set that you may not currently possess. It's all in what you want out of life and what *YOU'RE WILLING* to pursue and achieve.
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@yodelerty What is this?! Hey now, don't you ever compare yourself to anyone. We're all unique but in the same form of a human. Don't be bogged with the idea someone is better than you. Of course they're better but you on the other hand has a chance to be better if you dare to start now. Age? Age and time is made up, just keep in mind you can try anything and pursue to do your own medium.
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@redenchilada They'll have their fun when they remind the drunk losers of all the stupid dole they did last night
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@yodelerty Fair enough, then. Okay, forget the karaoke bars. Get some folks together and start a band instead.
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@awlderpy Is that really worth being the boring sober guy at the bar, though? :'(
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@redenchilada Trade-off, man
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@redenchilada It totally is. If you hang around with your friends while they're drunk you'll have all the embarassing stories to poke fun at them.
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@clayinthecarpet I'm willing to pursue some things I'm sure but I don't even have a grasp of what I actually like to do. What I want out of life is to be happy but that's so damn broad I don't even know.
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@yodelerty TONS of people your age don't know what they want out of life. Man people in here don't, either. Guaranteed. Hell, that's why some of us are even here, conversing. I know people who are 50+ who still don't know what they want out of life. You're not doing a bad job, bro. Just keep on thinking about it and DON'T put yourself down for not knowing.
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@beatstrings I don't even know what I want to do, though. I'm just lost.
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@redenchilada Dunn and Dunn.
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@yodelerty I await the EP release with bated breath..
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@clayinthecarpet I just sort of thought I'd know what sort of interests I'd have at this point.
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@yodelerty Walk, you'll meet a few people, observe some ideas, keep looking in the horizon and calm yourself. Look beyond things with your perspective. I'm not telling you to do this EXACTLY but please do try. Keep walking, you'll see your potential and maybe wield it better than anyone else. As far as I'm concerned, you can do this ANYTIME you want. Cheers!
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@hoit I don't know. I know I said I'd join tonight..
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@yodelerty You are led by the system and certain self-confident folks to believe that you are supposed to be well on your way to becoming a self-made millionaire by age 22. This is just not the case for most of our country's people. Adding the societal pressure on top of the silly expectation just causes further harm to minds like yours. IT. IS. PERFECTLY. FINE. to not know what you want to do at your age. You have so much time and so many options to figure that out...All you need to do is...choose.
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@beatstrings People are scary and they judge. I'm scared to meet people. I prefer to just observe them from afar.
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@clayinthecarpet I know too little about myself to choose now but I guess I have time. I don't like not knowing though.
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@yodelerty It's fine. You met me for quite a while and I don't ever dare to think of judging anyone. I'm not saying I'm clean with conscience, I'm aware in some times. But, point being I'm this person talking to you mean to say there are many who are like me, and maybe for a span of 30 seconds meeting them by accident will eventually the best friend will have forever.
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@yodelerty It's okay not to know, though! It's perfectly acceptable. You just keep comparing yourself to these other seemingly successful people and making unrealistic expectations for yourself. Don't do that. Stay on your path and figure out what YOU want, WHEN AND WHERE you want it. :D
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@clayinthecarpet I guess you're right. Thanks.
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@yodelerty :D *hugs*...You're not useless, I promise!
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