Matt's home timeline


  1. lady that used to steal Sudafed at my old store shops at my new one :/

    about 13 hours ago from web
  2. I could just say that these anthropomorphic animals eat plant-based burgers and avoid that whole awkward implication but where’s the fun in that?

    about 14 hours ago from web
    • based

      about 2 days ago from web
    • Whatever DID happen to Grimey?

      about 3 days ago from web
    • today i learned that ralph bakshi still animates with pencils, paper, and a light table. what a guy

      about 5 days ago from web
    • we actually had a president at one time that pronounced the word "nuculear" unironically, think about that for a second, president of a whole country, saying "nuculear", we don't deserve nice things

      about 6 days ago from web
      • Just got done driving to Henrico County and during the drive I was trying to come up with a voice for a character. Eventually settled on “Genie from Aladdin but voiced by Dan Castellaneta”, which I realize is basically just a gay, possibly Jewish version of Homer Simpson.

        about 7 days ago from web
      • Caitlin Jenner didn't even come close. NOW how will I make my clickbait cartoons??

        about 9 days ago from web
      • in hindsight, maybe telling your voter base that their vote won't matter because it's all rigged anyway the day BEFORE the election isn't a fantastic idea?

        about 8 days ago from web
        • this reminds me of Virginia four years ago when everyone thought the election was gonna be close, and then it wasn't and campaigns were sitting around figuring out just what the hell to say because nobody expected to be speaking so early in the night

          about 9 days ago from web
          • ...wait... that's not the band. That's a recording of the song. I think the band left.

            about 9 days ago from web
            • the band is now playing "Money (That's What I Want)", over/under on them getting paid tonight?

              about 9 days ago from web
              • the live band is playing "I'm a Believer", you cannot make this apple up

                about 9 days ago from web
                • Larry Elder's live stream is so funny. Everyone there thinks he won, they haven't told anyone the actual results. It's like looking into another universe.

                  about 9 days ago from web
                  • Norm MacDonald died. That’s not funny at all. :(

                    about 9 days ago from web
                    • I have the Governor Jenner story arc READY TO GO. You know. Just in case the funniest thing that’s ever happened happens.

                      about 9 days ago from web
                      • is today a bad day to announce that i started writing a Swole Foods episode where the Taliban moves into the neighborhood and tries to impress the neighbors, much to the suspicion of Mo, who’s old enough to remember the last time the Taliban lived in the area twenty years ago

                        about 12 days ago from web
                        • big fan of the new No Man's Sky glitch where the player will launch into the sky for seemingly no reason, die upon hitting the ground, and then have their gravesite deleted because the planet somehow unloaded in the interim. Very well-designed game they've made here

                          about 14 days ago from web
                          • new movie idea: final destination 9/11

                            about 14 days ago from web
                            • This customer who I’m fairly certain is a pedophile keeps on trying to talk to me when he’s in the store. Please stop trying to be my friend sir, it’s not gonna happen

                              about 17 days ago from web
                              • anyway, i bouth my 18th console recently. I usually dont like digital only stuff, but this gens been looking rater boring so far, so i only wanted a cheap gamepass machine. currently playing bug fables

                                about 21 days ago from web
                              • when I was looking through Mind Control’s .fla file yesterday I lol’d at 2012 Matt’s implicit assertion that Sarah Palin was the most evil and incompetent person the Republican Party could ever nominate

                                about 21 days ago from web
                                • I want to see the new Marvel movie Shang Chi but it feels wrong to go to the cinema.

                                  about 23 days ago from web
                                • I drew this one at work!

                                  about 24 days ago from web
                                • all of this moving around between stores finally pays off - I finally have the evidence I need to have a certain customer banned from all of our stores because I personally saw him running the same scam at three separate stores. kinda weird that it took three separate stores though, right?

                                  about a month ago from web
                                • Gotta say, if'n I'd fully known what an asshole King Hyrule was, and what a whiner they'd turned Zelda into, I might not have bothered defeating Calamity Ganon... !vgp #

                                  about a month ago from web
                                • Aww, you're maxed at 3 stamina wheels?

                                  about a month ago from web
                                • It’s the greatest country on earth until Verizon goes down, and given that they have a monopoly in the DC area, that means the entire batcaveing DMV has no internet now

                                  about a month ago from web
                                  • Gotta say, “I got covid from black people” is not something you ever wanna hear from an elected official

                                    about a month ago from web
                                    • whatever you may be thinking, i did NOT cheat to get the secret ending in Birth By Sleep because the final task needed for 100% completion was based in tedium and not skill. I did NOT, under any circumstances, open Cheat Engine, systematically figure out the hex value for my kill count by killing enemies one by one and seeing which values increased, and then bump those numbers way up to unlock the secret ending early. I did not do that. It would have taken more skill than doing it the real way, but I wouldn't know that, because I didn't do that.

                                      about a month ago from web