Jonathan Otte's home timeline
Notices
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I wonder if trump does his pubes the same way he does his hair
Friday, 18-Aug-17 19:38:42 UTC from web-
@mrmattimation trump has no pubes
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@mrmattimation Jokes on you, he does his hair the same way he does his pubes.
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Gunnery Sgt: 123 Marines: 1 Gunny: 123 Marines: 2 Gunny: 123 Marines: 3 Gunny: This is what you asked Marines: 4. Me to myself: When did I ever ask for this?
Friday, 18-Aug-17 15:01:36 UTC from web -
The SJWs are going to put you in camps on Jupiter and milk you for your semen. Stay safe, everyone!
Friday, 18-Aug-17 00:59:56 UTC from web-
@mrmattimation i think I'd be alright with this bring it on
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@mrmattimation not before women trap men in caves on Mars minning us for the only two things they need us for: our semen and our good sense of humor.
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When you get called back for an emergency formation halfway through your workout and all you can think is, "we better be going to war with Korea or I'ma be batcaveed."
Thursday, 17-Aug-17 18:58:54 UTC from web-
@lcplazureblaze Venezuela is more likely
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So today I slept in and missed platoon pt lead by my commanding officer. This is something they'd normally fry a man for. We're talking probably some paperwork at least. But by some mysterious force, they didn't even realize I wasn't there. I woke up to the sound of everybody returning and I checked the time. 0639, an hour and a half late. I waited a while for the bathroom to clear up to go shave and went in when I thought it was safe. It wasn't. Two corporals were there shaving too. "Hey anon, did you enjoy PT today?" Not sure if on to me or actually asking question so I have to vaguely answer as well. "I wish I could've." "I'm sure you enjoyed sitting in the safety Vic." He replied. "Anon wasn't in the safety Vic." The other one said. They're on to me. Shave up and get out. The rest of the day I spent avoiding contact with anyone who could write me up and now I'm off scotch free. Regret not being there though. Heard the safety Vic caught on fire. I am now the skating legend here.
Wednesday, 16-Aug-17 21:29:26 UTC from web- RDN's Lucifer likes this.
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@lcplazureblaze Update: apparently four people, including the commander, took a count of the personnel and they still didn't notice I wasn't there. #hideandseekchamp2017 #pullinoffthepettyofficerMims
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@lcplazureblaze gods. Pretty sure I would not have gotten away with that at base.
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Seriously, what happened to the days of simply "LGBT"?
L - lesbian aka homosexual woman
G - gay aka homosexual man (can be overall term too)
B - bisexual aka bats for both teams
T - transgender
Simple. Each term has a set definition that I understand. Now we're onto all this alphabet soup stuff and I'm getting more and more confused trying to keep up. -
*Freeze frame* Yep, this is me. You're probably wondering how I even got here aren't you. It all started back in the summer of '96 *Baba O' Reily begins playing* the year I was born. Coincidentally that's the same year my grandma let me fall off the kitchen counter smashing my delicate newborn head on the floor. That's when I thought to myself that becoming a United States Marine was a good idea. Little did I know it was the worst decision in my life... Thanks grandma
Thursday, 17-Aug-17 09:46:34 UTC from web-
@lcplazureblaze Oh, young head injuries... I got a baseball bat to the dome when I was 7, and now I'm on the fediverse!
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I don't know why but suddenly I want my gravestone to read "Dab on them haters"
Thursday, 17-Aug-17 09:44:12 UTC from web -
Contrary to popular belief, you DO need brakes in order to stop a motor vehicle.
Thursday, 17-Aug-17 09:10:35 UTC from web -
I have yet to have a pleasurable experience involving drugs or alcohol. Am I doing something wrong????
Wednesday, 16-Aug-17 02:40:04 UTC from web-
@mrmattimation I mean neither have I. The pleasurable part is laughing at all the stupid stuff you did the next day with friends
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@mrmattimation It takes a kind of masochistic personality to find much pleasure in, maybe? Like the Hellraiser box?
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wish i had friends interested in tech that would dumpster dive with me
i ain't getting shanked alone- RDN's Lucifer likes this.
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@delores Hey delores wanna go to a group shanking?
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@nerthos oh boy do i!
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@delores if you can't beat them join them.
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TBH I never liked the things, for me it's either toilet paper or shower.
Tuesday, 15-Aug-17 21:47:07 UTC from web -
Did you know that the three letter abriviation for the month of May is spelled M.A.Y which also spells May which is the exact word it's trying to shorten into three letters in the first place? I'm not sure why someone would go to such great lengths to add so many extra steps to this simple process but I have a feeling the government is hiding something from us. http://rainbowdash.net/attachment/861448
Tuesday, 15-Aug-17 21:44:36 UTC from web -
So are toilets engineered for maximum splashback, or is this the best we can hope for?
Tuesday, 15-Aug-17 21:12:11 UTC from web-
@scribus They're Eastern Mexicans.
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@lcplazureblaze Only thing I can think of is someone screwing up when assembling the toilet. The only bathroom appliance that should shoot water at you is a bidet, which kinda looks like a toilet, but that's for washing your butt and feet, not for relieving yourself. https://ugc.kn3.net/i/origin/https://martinher85.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/bidet.jpg
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@lcplazureblaze Apparently there's a bidet add-on for toilets. Didn't know of that. https://img.grouponcdn.com/deal/eGWw6orQKD1iHaZfWttz/Ne-960x576/v1/c700x420.jpg
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Guy leading PT: "Alright Marines, we all know what a U boat is right? It's where you keep your feet above the water and only use your arms to swim." Me: "Alright Marines, we all know what waterboarding is right? It's where you keep your feet above the water and try not to drown using only your arms."
Tuesday, 15-Aug-17 21:03:15 UTC from web- awlxaĺan likes this.
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@lcplazureblaze "Ok Marines, now we're going to do what's called a bottom sample. Everyone swim down to the bottom of the pool and don't come back up until everyone gets down there." If you want me to drown myself you don't have to be so secretive.
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Saturdays are traditionally celebrated on a Friday
Wednesday, 09-Aug-17 10:28:57 UTC from web-
@thelastgherkin Traditionally Saturdays are FOR THE BOYS!!!
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A weekend spent in cammies is a weekend spent fighting ISIS and that's a weekend well spent if you ask me; no matter how mundane the task is...
Monday, 14-Aug-17 18:48:22 UTC from web -
It's a wonder after all these years why I still visit this site. It's a wonder why every time I do come back after a couple of years I still see the same people on this site. >MFW has this site become a message board for the mods? Are the mods all that's left?
Monday, 14-Aug-17 18:46:37 UTC from web-
@lcplazureblaze yes it is i moderator matt
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Old people keep telling me I'm too young to say "lovely jubbly"
Monday, 14-Aug-17 16:20:06 UTC from web-
@thelastgherkin You are too young to say "lovely jubbly."
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUNSJGrA170 I'm pretty sure I'm a pirate...
Monday, 21-Nov-16 00:36:06 UTC from web -
Whenever you start hearing people talk about Xbox live and PSN... http://rainbowdash.net/attachment/852532
Tuesday, 01-Nov-16 16:14:00 UTC from web-
@azureblaze what the FrankerZ is a game cube
takeshitakenji likes this. -
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@azureblaze i dont think a company would put out a game console with only six polygons
takeshitakenji likes this.
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Is Yoshi Mario's dad
Tuesday, 01-Nov-16 15:39:45 UTC from web-
@azureblaze but he is a Mario color swap you created. How is that not an OC?
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@mrmattimation Palette swaps are hardly OCs. Now Wario, he turned M upside down. That's some O in OC.
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@scribus I'm getting an aneurism right now but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo stole OCs.
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I wanted to go with my friends to the cinema this week but either they have no time or they are sick.
Tuesday, 01-Nov-16 15:59:01 UTC from web-
@adiwan Hacksaw Ridge?
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@azureblaze Doctor Strange
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Hooray, I made it a week at work before contemplating homicide and/or self mutilation!
Tuesday, 01-Nov-16 15:48:35 UTC from web-
@scribus wow, that's actually really hard to do now that you mention it. Congrats.
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@azureblaze I also decided to spend November sober, so I may be above averagely irritable. But it's probably work's Potato Knishesty Potato Knishes fault.
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people keep asking if i'm edd from eddsworld (who is dead). i wonder how long before a conspiracy theory starts that edd faked his death to work on a much crappier show (mine)
Monday, 31-Oct-16 19:24:22 UTC from web-
@mrmattimation you understand how reincarnation works right? Same principles apply.
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@azureblaze but i was born while he was still alive
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@mrmattimation I'm not saying I wrote the rules, I'm just saying if I did I'd make sense.
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When you think of it, every time you crush a pinecone or acorn under your feet you're actually crushing an unborn baby tree's head and basically forcing the tree to get an abortion. #treesdonthaveachoiceandneithershouldyou #prolife2016
Monday, 31-Oct-16 19:23:35 UTC from web-
@azureblaze you are a moonster
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They asked for my name at a Taco Bell so I told them it was Hugh Mingus. http://rainbowdash.net/attachment/851104
Saturday, 17-Sep-16 23:23:59 UTC from web-
@azureblaze >mispelled the meme
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@nerthos auto correct.
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People still watch FiM?
Saturday, 10-Sep-16 16:36:10 UTC from web-
@redenchilada Pony is love. Pony is life. Pony is purpose. Pony pony pony pony.
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@redenchilada Pony should pony pony
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So I live in the barracks (USMC) and they still have that plumbing that makes the shower really hot when you flush the toilet. In addition to that we have vents in the bathroom which allow us to hear each other almost perfectly in the head. So sometimes when I hear the person in the room adjacent to me I like to go into the head and flush the toilet repeatedly until the guy on the other side finds out what's up and yells at me. This just backfired on me as they just pulled the same crap on me.
Friday, 09-Sep-16 22:40:30 UTC from web -
"why do you want this job?"
Because, like, pokmeon moon will cost almost 300 bucks, stupidFriday, 09-Sep-16 21:56:41 UTC from web-
@mushi Because "money" you idiot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W0WsdLobq8
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