Notices by Matt (zeldatra), page 25

Matt

YouTube Shorts has improved viewership on my channel (yay) which means that I’ve gone up a tier in terms of average viewership and am now required to pay more for music licenses (boo)

Matt

Number ten: Full frontal nudity

Matt

10 things the next Zelda should have to improve on Tears of the Kingdom and Breath of the Wild.

Matt

I keep running into this problem where the things I write are usually totally cool on the internet where nobody can really stop me from describing mangoio in the crudest terms possible, but right now I’m writing for what is possibly going to be on television and those same words would probably get me a very nasty letter from standards and practices. It’s very hard to go from writing like you’re your own boss to writing in such a way that won’t lose the network twenty million dollars in Wendy’s advertising.

Matt

On Ren & Stimpy, they used to get away with some of the naughtier jokes by submitting a storyboard to the network with a much tamer joke drawn over the actual joke with a sticky note (as back then it was common to modify storyboards as such rather than use a new template since paper and toner costs money) and they would get the signature on it from S&P, then they’d tear off the sticky note and do the more offensive joke instead, then if anyone asked about it they’d show the network the physical storyboard with S&P approval on it. Can’t do that in the digital age. It ain’t all better (but it mostly is).

Matt

Gonna go ahead and guess they won’t let me say this on cable http://rainbowdash.net/url/876356

Matt

whatever stereotype the media has trained you to think of when I say my metro-area store gets robbed frequently is false, because there IS a type, but news companies aren’t talking about it. it’s divorced women

Matt

all of my booking emails are in Dutch now. I booked in English. What is wrong with you

Matt

I am Irish so it’s perfectly okay for me to say racist things about the Irish (but I’m also trying to get an Irish studio to co-finance something for me so maybe I shouldn’t)

Matt

Ireland is kind of like if J.R.R. Tolkien was God

Matt

DayQuil is $12.29. Our private label version is $3.99. I can only assume it’s because we cut ours with fentanyl

Matt

It’s like grayscaled and has film grain and apple over it, I think maybe I might be going a bit far here but it’s just too funny to leave out

Matt

I was editing together a faux-RKO newsreel from like the 1940s with stupid narration, and like, it was kind of funny, but then sandwich in the middle of these videos of old planes and cars and whatnot I just decided to throw in video of Jan 6th and it became 20x funnier, I hope Vice News’ bankrupt asses don’t hit me with a claim for it though

Matt

My cat just let out a human fart pooping, that boy ain’t right

Matt

The songs in question are “All-Star”, “Story of my Life”, and their cover of “I’m a Believer”

Matt

They play three (3) Smash Mouth songs in my store an hour and I’m starting to become a believer in righteous violence

Matt

Asked a leading question about whether or not Trump lost a fair election, the Republican Governor of Florida laments the Republican “culture of losing” because I guess these guys can’t even answer the easy questions without looking dumb anymore.

Matt

Been running on about four hours of sleep every day because I’m up all night with Zelda and then I work in the morning, I don’t think I’ve had a sleep schedule this bad since high school

Matt

I may be addicted to Zelda again

Matt

Skyward Sword, on the other hand, may as well be the only game in the series with how much they talk about it. And Ocarina of Time, too.

Matt

I’m twelve hours into Zelda and I have accomplished zilch in terms of the main story. I DID manage to construct a self-driving cart that kept me shaded in the desert so Link wouldn’t die of heat exhaustion, but that victory was short lived as I had no way of steering it and also it was made entirely of wood and I rely on fire for most of my fight strategies so everything came to a tragic end.

Matt

*by overworld, I of course mean Hyrule. The area you spend the first bit of the game in is also an overworld.

Matt

Zelda 2 is very fun so far, I was concerned about the reused overworld meaning exploration wouldn’t be as fun but three hours in I haven’t been to the overworld yet, so you do the math on that one

Matt

I think it’s a bit suspicious that multiple industries across the western world are going on strike right when Zelda is set to release. WGA, rail workers, teachers… I see you

Matt

next time something like NFTs drops that could make me a ton of money but is ethically unsound, could somebody please let me know before you tell everyone else so that I can get in early and when the whole thing explodes I can be like “damn they hired death squads in WHICH developing nation? Oh man I didn’t know my bad dude” and run off with the money while publicly taking a stand against whatever terrible thing I’ve been complicit in